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Touch

  • September 18, 2019June 29, 2020

Touch; A Sensual Poem

The magic of human touch, 
Trusting to warm this soul’s skin,
Tis nature of loving connection, as such.

My body accepts this sensual touch,
Like an honoured guest,
Anticipating the pleasures, one of the few.

Skin to skin our bodies converse, 
Uninhabited, my mind wanders,
Craving sensuality.

Artful hands sculpt with purpose,
Lulling layers open, you’re quite the artist,
Soothing caress melt my body formless.

Hands caress the contours of my body, Nurturing my senses, As I drink in this pleasure, this erotic energy rises.

My flesh cries out for more, Delicious sensations of pleasure,
Arching waves of splendour.

I want to feel, 
The heat of your hands on my skin.

I want to close my eyes and loose, 
Myself in the essence of your touch.

I need this,
I ache for this. 

With winter’s end, 
My entire soul unthawed too. 

Now every inch of me, 
Aches with need for you.

So far away, 
Yet so near.

I need to feel your warm breath, 
Whisper in my ear.

I want to wake up to, 
Your body smothering mine, 
As you cover every inch of me, 
With the heat of your tongue. 

I want to yield to you, 
Submit to you, 
Give in to you. 

As my desire for you never wanes, 
Always desiring you, 
Always dreaming of you.

Hands touching each part of my body,
My aching flesh submits to your touch.

Fingers dancing across fields of sensations,
Circles around and around,
Sensations take over, body shaking, yes, right there.

Letting go, arching the back,
Breathing hard yet hardly breathing,
Legs weak, hands limp, breathless, speechless.

Rewarded my senses sated, 
With newfound clarity reinvigorated,
Mind, body and spirit replenished. 

I thank you for your gift of sensual touch, 
Lovingly, I would return the favour, 
as such.

Learn more about Tantric Experiences

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5 Minute Breathing Meditation

  • September 11, 2019June 29, 2020

5 Minute Breathing Meditation

This 5 minute breathing meditation is from the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA

Audio for this 5 minute breathing

Find a relaxed, comfortable position
Seated on a chair or on the floor, on a cushion
Keep your back upright, but not too tight
Hands resting wherever they’re comfortable
Tongue on the roof of your mouth or wherever it’s comfortable.

And you can notice your body
From the inside
Noticing the shape of your body, the weight, touch
And let yourself relax
And become curious about your body

Find a relaxed, comfortable position
Seated on a chair or on the floor, on a cushion
Keep your back upright, but not too tight
Hands resting wherever they’re comfortable
Tongue on the roof of your mouth or wherever it’s comfortable.

And you can notice your body
From the inside
Noticing the shape of your body, the weight, touch
And let yourself relax
And become curious about your body

Seated here
The sensations of your body
The touch
The connection with the floor
The chair
Relax any areas of tightness or tension
Just breathe
Soften
And now begin to tune into your breath
In your body

Feeling the natural flow of breath
Don’t need to do anything to your breath
Not long not short just natural
And notice where you feel your breath in your body
It might be in your abdomen
It may be in your chest or throat
Or in your nostrils
See if you can feel the sensations of breath
One breath at a time
When one breath ends, the next breath begins

Now as you do this you might notice that your mind might start to wander
You might start thinking about other things
If this happens this is not a problem
It’s very natural
Just notice that your mind has wandered
You can say “thinking” or “wandering” in your head softly
And then gently redirect your attention right back to the breathing
So we’ll stay with this for some time in silence
Just a short time
Noticing our breath

From time to time getting lost in thought and returning to our breath
See if you can be really kind to yourself in the process
And once again you can notice your body, your whole body, seated here

Let yourself relax even more deeply
And then offer yourself some appreciation
For doing this practice today
Whatever that means to you
Finding a sense of ease and wellbeing for yourself and this day

This 5 minute breathing meditation is from the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA

More meditations from UCLA

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We Are Not Going Back; The Only Way is…

  • July 3, 2020June 28, 2020

We Are Not Going Back; The Only Way is Forward

Opportunity after tragedy, now is a time to realign, reprioritise, and rebuild emotional connections. – This is a re-post of an article by Esther Perel & Mary Alice Miller

While many people are living by the moving needle of reopening dates, hoping “to return to normal,” many others are reaching a critical realisation: we’re not going back. 

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. There were issues before, weren’t there? That version of life didn’t always feel great, did it? Many of us were in debt and depleted, if not financially, then spiritually. For the sake of future security, some of us were marching forward on a path that didn’t always align with our truest desires, and at times left us feeling more disconnected than ever. Now, with future security out the door, we’re realising that the decisions we made were based on plans for a future that no longer exists. 

The New Normal is here and it requires a new mindset—a curiosity about what we want for ourselves, with our partners and families, with our dates and friends, and with our work lives.

For individuals and couples who were already experiencing distance and misalignment, this redefinition of normal life can be an opportunity to rebuild, reprioritise, reconnect, fantasise, and even let go of some of the things that were holding us back long before the pandemic. 

What decisions does this new landscape require? What fantasies does it inspire? How do we talk about it? And how do we put those plans in action in a time when we’re either living with each other 24/7 like never before or living apart, in isolation, like never before?

This is a moment in which the duality of fear and hope must be held with equanimity, thoughtfulness, and even humour and fantasy. It’s a time for laying the cards out on the table, and asking the following questions: 

What do we really want? 

Where do we want to be? 

What do we want to build? 

What’s a project we’d love to accomplish in the next year? 3 years? 5 years?

For whom are we responsible? 

To whom do we want to live close?

What do we have going well for us? 

What are our greatest challenges? 

What do we have control over? 

What do we have absolutely no control over? 

Where do we need to fight? 

What do we need to surrender? 

What are our strengths and weaknesses individually and together?

If we could be anything, go anywhere, and be happy, what would that look like? It might even be just a slightly better, more aligned version of where you already are.

How Erotic Thinking Helps Emotional Connections

Believe it or not, these questions are erotic in their very nature. They are about imagination, fantasy, exploration, curiosity, and navigating the trauma of this moment for the sake of cultivating pleasure. 

How will you take the losses of this moment and transform them into possibilities? Let’s look at the couple quarantining apart again. 

They both need to answer the aforementioned set of questions individually before they can answer them together. 

Accessing their deepest desires, hopes, and fears in the context of our new normal may reveal new strategies for staying connected. 

She may present her student loan debt, in the context of our current economic uncertainty, as a reason for keeping her job exactly as it is and where it is. He may present his desire to be in the same place, and his lack of debt, as a reason for why he can be the one to relocate. 

Avoiding the conversation as a means of keeping the status quo—because the status quo feels like security—keeps them stuck in their pre-pandemic dilemma. But engaging in erotic thinking, submitting to their fantasies and desires, makes the challenging points loosen up. It breeds hope. Remember, hope is a feeling, but it’s also a plan. 

And this isn’t only for couples who are physically quarantined apart. How many of us have felt the internal quarantine—the separateness from our loved ones we feel when we can’t get aligned? 

If you’ve been struggling with this, the world has made it very clear that now is the time to reexamine your priorities. 

Original article by Esther Perel & Mary Alice Miller, read more

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Erectile Dysfunction in Younger Men

  • September 18, 2019June 28, 2020

Erectile Dysfunction in Younger Men

Erectile dysfunction in younger men, according to a study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine, one out of every four new erectile dysfunction (ED) patients are under 40.

Psychological causes are thought to be the main reasons behind ED in younger men. Having said that, physical causes should not be dismissed.

If you have an off night, try not to let this stick in your head. Anxiety can lead to more of the fight-or-flight hormones, such as adrenaline, which may kill your erection dead in the water.

No problem getting an erection one day and then the next, uh oh? Us men are expected to be 24/7 erection machines. Truth is, having problems getting or maintaining an erection is common, whatever your age. The inability to get an erection can have severe emotional effects. And ones that, too often, we just don’t want to talk to anyone about.

First of all: You’re not alone. ED is not just a problem that affects older men. ED can also be a sign of other more serious underlying conditions like diabetes and hypertension, so going to see your GP can be a smart move.

Mind Games

Psychological causes are thought to be the main reasons behind erectile dysfunction in younger men. Having said that, physical causes should not be dismissed. Thing is, getting an erection is a bit like trying to fall asleep. The harder we try, and the more we obsess over it – the less likely it is to happen. So all the advice points to: Relax.

The most common psychological causes of ED include, according to WebMD:

Anxiety: If you experience ED once, there’s a natural fear it will happen again. This can lead to performance anxiety. And then to more ED. Sucks, doesn’t it?

Depression: This is a common cause of ED. Depression can cause ED even when you’re totally comfortable in a sexual situation. The drugs used to treat depression may also cause ED.

Guilt: Feel guilty that you may not be satisfying your partner? This can lead to ED – and the best thing to do is talk it out. Chances are that he/she will rush to reassure you.

Stress: Could be money-related, about your job, caused by family issues or relationship problems.

Low Self-Esteem: This can happen because of prior ED or could be about things totally unrelated to sex. Talk it out with a therapist or your GP, as well as your partner.

Indifference: Not thinking about sex as much as you used to? This can be about age, a result of medications or because of problems in your relationship. Or it could be something else entirely. Best to see your GP.

“If left unaddressed, it can become a vicious cycle. The natural fear of embarrassment and failure become associated with sex. So we avoid sex. And relationships may break down,” explains Dr Earim Chaudry.

If you have an off night, try not to let this stick in your head. Anxiety can lead to more of the fight-or-flight hormones, such as adrenaline, which may kill your erection dead in the water.

“If you think in evolutionary terms,” says Dr Chaudry. “It’d be hard to run away from a predator if you had an erection. So fight-or-flight chemicals are natural passion killers.”

“Erectile dysfunction in younger men tends to be more psychological, but you should get checks for things like hormone levels and diabetes – and try to improve your lifestyle,” he suggests.

The Porn Question

Erectile dysfunction in younger men can be impacted by porn. What’s happening to our erections? In the last two or three decades, Erectile Dysfunction in younger men has gone up.

One idea that’s been floated is that porn, and porn addiction, may be to blame. In a study at the Max Planck Institute in Berlin, researchers found links between years of using porn and a decrease in grey matter in areas of the brain associated with reward sensitivity. The takeaway? Compulsive use of porn may stop men becoming easily aroused.

The medical world is divided on this. But porn-induced ED has been defined as when porn changes a man’s sexual appetite. So you no longer feel aroused in real-life situations.

Possible Solutions: Lifestyle Changes

Without a doubt, lifestyle changes should be attempted in all men with ED.

Smoking is an important cause of ED and continuing with smoking will undermine all interventions.

Being overweight or obese is associated with diabetes, heart disease and low testosterone. In men with mild ED and no known heart disease, weight loss has been shown to improve ED after 2 years, meaning that lifestyle change alone will usually need to be combined with medication. In men with known diabetes and heart disease, weight loss alone resulted in minimal improvement, meaning that medication will almost always be required.

Reducing alcohol consumption to safe levels of 14 units per week or less has been shown to improve ED.

Moderate exercise for 20-30 minutes, five or more times per week will help reduce ED as well as reducing the risk of heart disease and improving the response to medication.

Recreational drugs such as cannabis and opiates should be avoided as these may affect erection, desire and orgasm, usually through alterations of testosterone levels.

Reducing levels of (or ideally avoiding) pornography has been shown to improve erections, orgasm and sexual function in previous high-level users.

Dietary Supplements can be effective in mild cases or can be used to enhance the effect of other medications in severe cases. L-Arginine is an enhancer of the natural erection process but a dose of 2-3 grams is required. Folic Acid 5mg daily has been shown to enhance the effect of oral medications, especially in diabetes. Yohimbine, a natural plant extract, has been used for over fifty years to enhance erections. Saw Palmetto can improve ED and urinary symptoms. Many commercial preparations are available that combine some of these supplements.

Vitamin E has been shown to be beneficial for fertility both with and without ED medication.

Relaxation techniques such as meditation and massage.

For some men, being stressed may just make you irritable, but for others, too much stress can cause sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction. For these men, learning to relax and ease stress is all that may be needed to treat ED.

Relaxation Techniques

Below are a few relaxation exercises. But first, be sure that you have a quiet location that is free of distractions, a comfortable body position, and a good state of mind. Try to block out worries and distracting thoughts.

Rhythmic breathing: If your breathing is short and hurried, slow it down by taking long, slow breaths. Inhale slowly then exhale slowly. Count slowly to five as you inhale, and then count slowly to five as you exhale. As you exhale slowly, pay attention to how your body naturally relaxes. Recognising this change will help you to relax even more.

Deep breathing: Imagine a spot just below your navel. Breathe into that spot, filling your abdomen with air. Let the air fill you from the abdomen up, then let it out, like deflating a balloon. With every long, slow exhalation, you should feel more relaxed.

Visualised breathing: Find a comfortable place where you can close your eyes and combine slowed breathing with your imagination. Picture relaxation entering your body and tension leaving your body. Breathe deeply in a natural rhythm. Visualise your breath coming into your nostrils, going into the lungs and expanding the chest and abdomen. Then, visualise your breath going out the same way. Continue breathing, but each time you inhale, imagine that you are breathing in more relaxation. Each time you exhale imagine that you are getting rid of a little more tension.

Progressive muscle relaxation: Switch your thoughts to yourself and your breathing. Take a few deep breaths, exhaling slowly. Mentally scan your body. Notice areas that feel tense or cramped. Quickly loosen up these areas. Let go of as much tension as you can. Rotate your head in a smooth, circular motion once or twice. (Stop any movements that cause pain). Roll your shoulders forward and backward several times. Let all of your muscles completely relax. Recall a pleasant thought for a few seconds. Take another deep breath and exhale slowly. You should feel relaxed.

Relax to music: Combine relaxation exercises with your favourite music in the background. Select the type of music that lifts your mood or that you find soothing or calming. Some people find it easier to relax while listening to specially designed relaxation audio tapes, which provide music and relaxation instructions.

Mental imagery relaxation: Mental imagery relaxation, or guided imagery, is a proven form of focused relaxation that helps create harmony between the mind and body. Guided imagery coaches you in creating calm, peaceful images in your mind — a “mental escape.” Identify self-talk, that is, what you say to yourself about any problems you have. It is important to identify negative self-talk and develop healthy, positive self-talk. By making affirmations, you can counteract negative thoughts and emotions. Here are some positive statements you can practice:

Let go of things I cannot control.

I am healthy, vital, and strong.

There is nothing in the world I cannot handle.

All my needs are met.

I am completely and utterly safe.

Benefits of massage:

Erectile dysfunction in younger men can benefit from relaxing massage. One of the immediate benefits of massage is a feeling of calm and deep relaxation, which can banish the stress that many men experience. This occurs because massage prompts the release of endorphins – the brain chemicals (neurotransmitters) that produce feelings of wellbeing. 

Levels of stress hormones, such as adrenalin, cortisol and norepinephrine, are also reduced. Studies indicate that high levels of stress hormones impair the immune system. 

Some of the physical benefits of massage and myotherapy include:

– Reduced muscle tension

– Improved circulation

– Stimulation of the lymphatic system

– Reduction of stress hormones

– Relaxation

– Increased joint mobility and flexibility

– Improved skin tone

– Improved recovery of soft tissue injuries

– Heightened mental alertness

– Reduced anxiety and depression


Your Tantric Massage Experience

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The Male G Spot

  • September 26, 2019June 27, 2020

The Male G Spot

The Male G-Spot also known as the prostate can be the source of mind-blowing orgasms.

The prostate gland is about the size of a walnut and sits under the bladder, surrounding the top part of the urethra (the tube that takes urine out of the penis). It produces much of the seminal fluid that makes up ejaculate.

The prostate gland swells when you are aroused, and many men find that putting direct or indirect pressure on it during sex creates an intensely pleasurable sensation deep in their bodies and can lead to more powerful orgasms. 

For many men, the idea of someone touching their prostate sounds about as appealing as getting a root canal. But for other men — both straight and gay — exploring the prostate can bring new heights of sexual excitement and pleasure. It’s so pleasurable, in fact, that some sexual health experts have dubbed the prostate the “male G-spot.”

Men can even have prostate orgasms without stimulation to the penis.

“The orgasm from your prostate is a full body orgasm, and you feel a tingly sensation all over. This is opposed to the more isolated and direct pleasure from a regular orgasm through masturbation or penetration. In general, a prostate orgasm requires more time to warm up and more energy. But it’s totally worth it,” says Chris* (last name has been withheld for privacy reasons), a sex educator at The Pleasure Chest in Los Angeles.

So, how do I find the male G spot?

The prostate gland swells when it’s aroused which means that you’ll have more luck finding it, and more pleasure from it, if you are already turned on when you start looking. 

Start by putting some lube on your fingers and massaging the outside of the anus, then gradually slip one or two fingers inside. To find the male G spot the fingers should be pointing up (toward the belly button). Try curling them a little bit like you’re making the universal signal for “come here.” Like we said earlier, you might feel the prostate gland as a small bump. 

Many men say that the first thing they notice when someone pushes on their G spot is feeling like they have to pee. This makes sense because the prostate is so close to the bladder. Take it as a sign that you’re in the right place, and keep applying pressure, or start gently massaging.

Be prepared

If you’re trying prostate massage by yourself, make sure your hands are clean. If you’re trying it with a partner, check their digits for any hangnails. Perhaps most importantly, “always use lube, as the anus does not self lubricate. If putting something in your rectum hurts, slow down and add more lube,” says Chris.

Take baby steps

Before going in, start with a gentle external massage on your perineum which is located between the testicles and anus.

“Take some time on your own to get to know your body. Lay on your back with your butt under a pillow, tilting your hips up for easy access. Start with massaging your perineum with your hand or fingers. Apply lube to your finger and rub your anus externally to stimulate the nerve endings,” says Chris.

Explore internal stimulation

If the external massage feels good, curve your (at this point, lubed-up) finger into your rectum towards your belly button. “Two or so inches in, you should be able to feel your prostate,” says Chris.

It’s important to note that you really don’t have to go much further than that, particularly on your first try. “People think you need to shove a whole hand up there, but that’s not how it works,” says Milstein. “Insert one finger a few inches into your anus and push up toward the rear. Wiggle it around a bit, tap the inner walls, and apply different amounts of pressure to see what feels good to you.”

What does a prostate orgasm feel like?

1 / My first prostate orgasm was a few months ago ‘I had a massager, made for prostate massaging, and decided to go for it. When the orgasm hit, it f*cking hit. A wave smashing into my groin; wave after wave smashing over the rest of my body. My skin felt super-receptive. I felt every hair follicle on my scalp, and I felt a pressure building again. I had groaned loudly, and shot across the room. Multiple volleys of semen flew across the room, managing to hit the opposite wall. When it was over, I was still quivering. Gasping for air and trying to not to touch my body. I grazed my nipples and nearly had a seizure. I cleaned myself off after 10 minutes of trying to regain my composure. When I stood up, I couldn’t walk. My knees were quivering with exhaustion. It was intense beyond intense.’

2 / The male G spot orgasm feels a lot better than a normal orgasm
‘Still relatively similar in the way it feel, but just more intense. And longer lasting. I also find I generally come more as well.’

3 / For me, I find that I am simply overcome by the sheer power of the Orgasm.
‘It’s not a whole lot better, per se, but it is a lot stronger. After it happens, I’m stuck there out of breath and trembling for at least a few minutes – as if all of my energy had just been sucked out of my body and concentrated into a ridiculous orgasm. P-spot is the way to go. It doesn’t replace a regular orgasm, but it makes a really nice treat every once in a while.’

4 / They are amazing!
‘It feels like you’re brought to the brink of orgasm, but you stay there for a long time before the pleasure just takes over and you explode. I do think it can be difficult when you try to achieve a prostate orgasm by yourself. You end up focusing on the thrusts instead of being able to fixate on the immense pleasure. It’s much better with a partner when you are able to lie there and just enjoy the feeling, while they go to town on it.’

Your Tantric Massage Experience

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Human Touch

  • October 3, 2019June 27, 2020

Human Touch

Human touch is a necessary component to anyone’s happiness, mental health, and well-being.

In general, human touch plays a tremendous role in our personal well-being and how we connect with others in our relationships.

Most social interactions consist of at least some type of touch, whether it’s a handshake, hug, or kiss on the cheek. While the specific gesture may depend on the culture, a lot of everyday human interaction uses touch to help build a trustful bond with others.

Human touch is an important part of non-verbal communication. When used properly, it can trigger a wide-range of different positive emotions including relaxation, comfort, security, or joy.

More broadly, touch is an important way we take in information about our world and understand it better.

One study published in Psychological Science discovered that exploring objects through touch can often give us a more detailed and durable memory of that object. And another interesting study published in Nature Scientific Reports discovered that when our eyes feel deceived, we often rely on our fingertips to test our reality.

Touch makes things more real to us. It’s a direct connection to our world and surroundings. And that’s not only true for better understanding our reality, but also better understanding our self and our relationships with others.

In one study published in Frontiers of Psychology, researchers discovered that loving, affective touch – such as a slow caress or stroke – can play an important role in developing a healthy sense of self and body ownership.

Touch makes us more aware of our personal boundaries, but it also lets those boundaries down by letting someone else enter our “personal space.” This type of intimacy – both friendly and romantic – often allows us to connect with another person at a deeper level.

Touch builds connectedness. And this is true whether it’s a romantic relationship with intimate kissing, cuddling, or intimate sensuality, or if it’s a friendly relationship like a sports team using high fives and secret handshakes to build camaraderie and group cohesion.

One of the best examples of how touch creates unity is a fascinating study published in Scientific Reports that discovered when lover’s “hold hands” their breathing and heart rates often sync up.

This perfectly illustrates how powerful touch can be when it comes to building a strong and loving bond with someone.


Paying Attention to Your Need for Touch

Like food and water, I believe human touch is a need that we all have to fulfil in our lives.

Of course, everyone has different “comfort levels” with touch – and some people may be more shy and reserved than others when it comes to various forms of physical intimacy – but the truth is we all need some element of touch in our lives to be happy and satisfied.

This is especially true when we are having a bad or stressful day. For example, a new study published in PLOS ONE found that a hug from someone (especially a friend or family member) helps buffer against stress and negative emotions.

We all need people to be there for us when we are down. And touch is one way people can support us during difficult times and show that they care without needing to say anything.

It feels good to get that physical support from someone – it makes us feel that we are less alone in the world and gives us the comfort of knowing that other people have our backs.

One of the most obvious needs for touch and intimacy comes from our romantic relationships, dating and marriage. Without physical intimacy, a relationship isn’t likely to last very long or be able to sustain itself. We want to be able to connect with people at a physical level (and it’s about a lot more than just sensual desire). Even just morning kisses and nighttime cuddles can make a big difference when it comes to long-lasting romance.

There’s no doubt about it: we want human touch and we need human touch.


Take a moment to reflect on your relationship with touch. Ask yourself…

– “Am I fulfilling my needs for human touch?”

– “What’s my relationship with touch? In general, am I too withdrawn or too clingy?”

– “How can I be more affectionate in my romantic relationships?” (kisses, cuddles, sensuality, etc.)

– “What types of touch am I most comfortable with? Least comfortable with?”

– “What are my favourite types of friendly touch?” (handshakes, high fives, hugs, etc.)

– “How have my past experiences shaped my relationship with touch?”

I believe there is an important balance to be found in how we use touch and fulfil our need for it.

Being too withdrawn from touch (and never seeking intimacy) can become just as harmful as being too attracted to touch (and needing constant intimacy) to feel good about ourselves.

Overall, our need for touch is something to be very mindful of. It’s an important desire on both a physical and mental level, and it’s important that we have a healthy relationship with touch and fulfill our need for it in a safe and consensual way.

Your Tantric Massage Experience


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Sensual Pleasure for Women

  • October 14, 2019June 27, 2020

Sensual Pleasure for Women

Sensual pleasure for women and tantric massage is less requested than for men.

It seems that men feel able to be adventurous and try out something new in terms of sensual play and exploration.

But what about women? Are they more cautious? Are their needs different?

Tantric Massage for Women:
An experience to relax and revive your senses in a respectful and safe environment. The tantric massage can enable you to explore a tantric massage experience that will begin as a relaxing massage in beautiful surroundings, using massage strokes, slowly awakening your sensuality and breathing with the flow of your energy to arouse you with pleasure. You may have seen the tantric massage for women include the word Yoni, this is simply the Sanskrit word for the intimate female body. A tantric massage can include yoni massage as desired or left out depending on your preference.

There are several tantric groups and workshops available where both women and men can go and take part for a few hours, or for a weekend, or for several weekends, in programmes where they are taught to communicate more clearly and honestly, and to get in touch with their senses and feelings in a more profound and deeper way. But they usually don’t get to give or receive a tantric massage until they have progressed and participated in a quite a number of these workshops. 

The clients who come to me are people who want to receive a one on one massage and are not necessarily attracted to participating in a group workshop for such an intimate sensory experience. But these workshops may be ideal for other women or men as singles or as a couple. Personally for the tantric massages I have received, I have also preferred an environment where I am one on one with my chosen skilled tantric therapist. 

Sensual pleasure for women looking to have their first tantric massage; here are some tips for finding a tantric massage that suits you and your needs. 

– The practitioner should be a skilled massage therapist and the session should be combined with a good, real massage, because in my experience a great massage can truly relax the body and the mind. Feeling relaxed then prepares you for the intimate and sensual part of the tantric massage experience. 

– Women need to be allowed to get into a relaxed state and concentrate entirely on them. This implies that the tantric therapist can be intuitive with the massage and intimate part of the tantric massage without continually having to check back with their female client. Yes, checking in with them now and then is good but women need to be allowed to focus entirely on themselves, and let the wonderful experience of a tantric massage surround them and envelop them. A tantric session filled with calm is a sanctuary space for a woman to explore and receive a tantric massage and this should be reflected in the environment of the session. 

– The therapist should be able to put their ego aside and not have a personal agenda. The tantric massage is a sanctuary space for a women to feel completely focused on, indulged, caressed and cared for. 

– Women who explore a tantric massage should have their needs understood, communication should be clear, comfortable and straightforward. Respect and trust come from the therapist being authentic and truly listening to the person receiving the tantric massage. 

– If you have chosen to include intimate full body massage and yoni massage, this should feel intimate, caring and feel at a good pace for you. It should not feel rushed or intrusive. 

– The massage therapist should be skilled at giving a yoni massage (intimate female massage).

– A women should have the option to include or leave out any intimate part of the massage as desired, including yoni massage. Everyone is at a different place with their sexual needs and sexuality. Some intimate parts of the tantric massage could be left out of the first session and explored in follow up sessions. 

– The massage therapist should have a real quality of touch. 

– There should be a clear understanding about the fees and length of time the session is for, before the tantric massage session begins.

– Always make sure your yoni (vulva and vagina) is being massaged or held by someone with clean hands. Which should probably just be a general rule for life.

– Women are far harder to read than men, their needs may be more subtle and often more psychologically complex. Women need to feel safe before they can open up in an intimate way. For this reason sensual pleasure for women and tantric massage from a female therapist might be your first choice rather than receiving a massage from a male tantric practitioner.

– Some tantric massage therapists seem to over identify themselves ‘therapists’ or ‘healers’. A background in psychology should in theory be helpful. But in practice I’ve found that some tantric massage providers for women seem to over emphasise their service as a ‘therapist’, which seems to prevent them from really listening to the person who visits them for a session. People who offer tantric massage and seem to heavily identify as a ‘therapist’ tend to come out with all kinds of  pseudo tantric and psychological cliches which demonstrate a lack of basic  practical wisdom and common sense. For example, instead of being encouraged to sink deeper into your own self in a massage I’ve heard people having to answer questions like, ‘on a scale of 1-10 how does that feel?’. This type of question immediately takes a person out of a relaxed state, which is the opposite of what a tantric massage is about. 

Your Tantric Massage Experience

sensual woman Blog

Sensual Ecstasy and Tantra

  • March 1, 2020June 27, 2020

Sensual Ecstasy Through Tantra

Have you ever experienced a moment of sensual ecstasy? How did it make you feel? Exhilarated? Luminous? Deeply connected? Intense sensual experiences are one of our greatest sources of pleasure.

Human beings need and crave intimacy to the core of our being, yet also take great pains to avoid it. We may long to rekindle lost passion, but have forgotten how to light the fire.

The practice of Tantra shows us how to reclaim the sensual intimacy. And through this most ancient of arts, we may discover new joys of the erotic and expand mere moments of sensual ecstasy into a lifetime of intimate bliss. At a time when the stresses, fears and distractions of daily life threaten so many relationships, the ancient tradition of Tantra shows us how to open our hearts, our emotions and our sensuality.

What Is Tantra?

Although Tantra has long been practiced in many eastern cultures, it is just beginning to flourish in the United States and Europe. Tantra originated in India more than 6,000 years ago, Tantra emerged as a rebellion against organised religion, which held that sensual desire should be rejected in order to reach enlightenment.

Tantra challenged the beliefs of that time, purporting that sensual ecstasy was a doorway to the divine, and that earthly pleasures, such as eating, dancing and creative expression were sacred acts.

The word Tantra means “to manifest, to expand, to show and to weave.” In this context, sensuality and intimacy is thought to expand consciousness and to weave together the polarities of male (represented by the Hindu god, Shiva), and female (embodied by the Hindu goddess, Shakti), into a harmonious whole.

Couples need not adopt the Tantric pantheon in order to benefit from the sensual wisdom of this ancient art. Tantric intimate practices teach us to prolong the act of making love and to utilise potent orgasmic energies more effectively.

Tantra is also health enhancing. “Intimate sensual energy is one of our most powerful energies for creating health,” says Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.”

“By using sensual intimate energy in a conscious way…we can tap into a true source of youth and vitality.”

How Is Tantric Sensuality Unique?

In the West, we sometimes view intimate sensuality as a source of recreation rather than a means of transformation. The goal may be to reach orgasm rather than to pleasure our lover or to connect with them more fully.

Your Tantric Massage Experience

The tantric massage experience can bring you to a place of deep relaxation in a way that will also enable your whole being to be highly aroused. The massage will begin just like a Swedish or holistic massage and be a full body massage experience including the intimate area of the body. The tantric massage experience combines gentle touch, body massage, relaxing breathing techniques and arousal of the senses. Find out more.

Drawing of a mind with words of emotional intelligence Blog

Emotional Intelligence

  • September 25, 2019June 27, 2020

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is generally said to include at least three skills: 

– Emotional awareness, or the ability to identify and name one’s own emotions

– The ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving

– The ability to manage emotions, which includes both regulating one’s own emotions when necessary and helping others to do the same

There is no validated psychometric test or scale for emotional intelligence as there is for the general intelligence factor—and many argue that emotional intelligence is therefore not an actual construct, but a way of describing interpersonal skills that go by other names. 

Despite this criticism, emotional intelligence “emotional quotient,” or “E.Q.” as it’s sometimes known has wide appeal among the general public, as well as in certain sectors. In recent years, some employers have even incorporated emotional intelligence tests into their application or interview processes, on the theory that someone high in emotional intelligence would make a better leader or coworker.

Self-Awareness

The first pillar of emotional intelligence is paying attention to your own emotions.

Emotions often come in two main parts: 1) The psychological component – the thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs that underlie most of our emotions, and 2) The physical component – the bodily sensations that often accompany different emotional states.

For example, an emotion such as nervousness may be a mixture of certain thoughts (“I’m not good at this” or “I’m scared I’m going to make a mistake”) and certain sensations in our bodies (a fluttery feeling in our stomach, e.g. “I have butterflies in my stomach”).

Sometimes just being more aware of our emotional states (and all their components) is enough to manage them better. In one recent study, they found simply labelling negative emotions can help you overcome them.

The next time you’re feeling a really strong emotion, try stepping back and just observing that emotion as it is. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling? What am I thinking? What physical sensations am I experiencing with this emotion?”

A little honest reflection of your emotions can really help you understand yourself better and how your mind really works.

Self-Regulation

Once you are more aware of your emotions, the next pillar of emotional intelligence is learning how to respond to them better.

Depending on the situation, there are many different strategies we can use to better regulate our emotions. Some of these strategies include:

Channeling an emotion in a new and constructive way, such as through exercising, writing, or painting.

Avoiding triggers – such as certain people, situations, or environments – that are more likely to bring out a negative emotion.

Seeking positive experiences to reverse negative ruts (such as watching a comedy movie when we are feeling down, or listening to motivating music when we are lazy).

Turning emotions around by doing the opposite of what you feel.

Sitting and watching emotions as a passive observer, instead of acting on them impulsively.

These are all strategies available to us to help us regulate our emotions better on an everyday basis.

Think of “emotional intelligence” as a kind of toolkit. There are many different ways to respond to a particular emotion, and not every tool is going to work depending on what the situation is.

The more emotionally intelligent you become, the better you will be at deciding what is the best way to respond to an emotion. But that’s going to take steady practice and awareness.

Empathy and Social Skills

Understanding your own emotions is half of emotional intelligence, the other half is understanding the emotions of others.

As we improve “self-awareness,” we also improve “other-awareness.” We learn that there is sometimes a difference between our own thoughts and feelings and the thoughts and feelings of others.

Empathy is our ability to see things from another person’s perspective – and to take into account their individual thoughts and feelings about an experience.

Of course, we can never understand another person’s mind completely, but we can actively learn about a person’s inner thoughts and feelings by paying attention to what they are communicating verbally and non-verbally.

Empathy is a kind of “mind-reading,” but it’s based on making inferences about people’s internal worlds based on their external actions.

Another powerful tool for improving empathy is perspective taking. This is a mental exercise where you literally imagine yourself experiencing a situation from another person’s perspective to better understand them.

Be more willing to ask yourself, “What is this person thinking? What is this person feeling? Why is this person acting in the way they do?” These types of questions will be a great starting point in building more empathy in your daily relationships.

Once you understand the emotions of yourself and others, the next question is “How do I respond to other people’s emotions?” This is where social skills comes in as the last pillar of emotional intelligence.

First, understand that a lot of our emotional world has a social component to it. For example, emotions such as love, guilt, rejection, and embarrassment are almost strictly social emotions (they rarely exist outside the context of our relationships with others).

To build healthy relationships it’s therefore important that we are attuned to other people’s emotions, especially how they respond to our own actions and speech.

If your actions cause negative emotions in other people, then that can hurt a relationship and your ability to connect with others in a meaningful way.

Cultivating positive emotions – like joy, optimism, excitement, and humour – is key toward bonding with others in a strong and lasting way.

Have you ever walked into a room of people who are really depressed or stressed out, and you immediately begin to feel depressed and stressed too? This is an example of emotional contagion, which is the idea that our emotions can often spread to others like a virus.

In the same way that other people’s emotions affect us, our emotions affect other people. So if you walk around life with a generally positive attitude, that is going to rub off on those you interact with (but you have to first have your own mind in order).

The social skills aspect of emotional intelligence is about becoming an “emotional leader” of sorts. But you need to practice turning negative people around by first being positive in yourself.

Your Tantric Massage Experience


Blog

The Relationship Paradox

  • March 11, 2019March 28, 2020

“Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness. One does not exist without the other.” – Esther Perel

This is the relationship paradox of love, the closeness needed for intimacy with the individuality that fuels desire.

The seeds of intimacy are time and repetition. We choose each other again and again, and so create a community of two. As a couple grows emotionally intimate through this repetition, which furnishes the building blocks of trust and security, desire begins to diminish. Noting that sex is not a function of emotional intimacy but a separate state of being,

It is too easily assumed that problems with sex are the result of a lack of closeness. But perhaps the way we construct closeness reduces the sense of freedom and autonomy needed for sexual pleasure. When intimacy collapses into fusion, it is not a lack of closeness but too much closeness that impedes desire. Cultivating our individuality, our own personal growth which is set apart from our partner can create the desire and curiosity for our partner again.

Eroticism is a movement toward the Other, this is its essential character. Yet in our efforts to establish intimacy we often seek to eliminate otherness, thereby precluding the space necessary for desire to flourish.

We seek intimacy to protect ourselves from feeling alone; and yet creating the distance essential to eroticism means stepping back from the comfort of our partner and feeling more alone.

Our ability to tolerate our separateness and the fundamental insecurity it engenders is a precondition for maintaining interest and desire in a relationship. Instead of always striving for closeness, couples may be better off cultivating their separate selves. There is beauty in an image that highlights a connection to oneself, rather than a distance from one’s partner.

Adapted from an article in Brain Pickings which talks about Esther Perel’s work on the topic of erotic intelligence.