Tag: <span>Erotic</span>

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Touch

  • September 18, 2019June 29, 2020

Touch; A Sensual Poem

The magic of human touch, 
Trusting to warm this soul’s skin,
Tis nature of loving connection, as such.

My body accepts this sensual touch,
Like an honoured guest,
Anticipating the pleasures, one of the few.

Skin to skin our bodies converse, 
Uninhabited, my mind wanders,
Craving sensuality.

Artful hands sculpt with purpose,
Lulling layers open, you’re quite the artist,
Soothing caress melt my body formless.

Hands caress the contours of my body, Nurturing my senses, As I drink in this pleasure, this erotic energy rises.

My flesh cries out for more, Delicious sensations of pleasure,
Arching waves of splendour.

I want to feel, 
The heat of your hands on my skin.

I want to close my eyes and loose, 
Myself in the essence of your touch.

I need this,
I ache for this. 

With winter’s end, 
My entire soul unthawed too. 

Now every inch of me, 
Aches with need for you.

So far away, 
Yet so near.

I need to feel your warm breath, 
Whisper in my ear.

I want to wake up to, 
Your body smothering mine, 
As you cover every inch of me, 
With the heat of your tongue. 

I want to yield to you, 
Submit to you, 
Give in to you. 

As my desire for you never wanes, 
Always desiring you, 
Always dreaming of you.

Hands touching each part of my body,
My aching flesh submits to your touch.

Fingers dancing across fields of sensations,
Circles around and around,
Sensations take over, body shaking, yes, right there.

Letting go, arching the back,
Breathing hard yet hardly breathing,
Legs weak, hands limp, breathless, speechless.

Rewarded my senses sated, 
With newfound clarity reinvigorated,
Mind, body and spirit replenished. 

I thank you for your gift of sensual touch, 
Lovingly, I would return the favour, 
as such.

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Breathing Together as Foreplay

  • March 23, 2019March 28, 2020

There’s something very erotic and sensual about breathing in unison with your lover. 

It’s a connecting moment where you are paying attention to each other and bringing your energy together. Breathing in this way can feel playful, sensual and joyful.  

You may feel self conscious or silly asking your partner to sit with you and breath together. Many partners find it difficult to even look at each other directly in the eye for anything more than a brief moment. They are unable to truly look and gaze into the eyes of their lover, drinking in what they see and build that intimate connection. 

When we did lose our ability to really connect with each other? How did we lose the ability or willingness to be close? What events could have taken that away from you? I will let you consider that for yourself as we are all individual and the reasons for why we push people away or don’t let them close is different for everyone. The first step is being aware whether you are truly allowing yourself to be connected with and have the door open to connecting with your intimate partner. 

When you are ready to begin this journey of true intimate connection then I recommended the following playful and erotic breathing experience.

Before you begin really ask yourself, am I open to connecting with this person and letting them in? The answer needs to be a joyful and accepting yes. If it isn’t then it sounds like you are not ready for this, take a step back and think about what is holding you back. 

Here’s a step by step guide to breathing together and eye gazing with your lover.

1. Intention and permission

Permission
For you both to come together this was way there needs to be permission given to enter into this experience. There is an equality in this experience, a balance. There is not a moment of euphoria for one and not the other. You both share in this experience equally at the same time. 

Ask each other, “can I sit with you and can we try breathing together?” or “can we share in this experience of siting together and looking into each other’s eyes, I want to feel close to you?” 

Set your intentions
You are here to truly accept the person before you and for yourself to be unconditionally accepted. If you have resentment or anger towards the person in front of you, then you cannot truly accept them. Coming together in this way needs a clean slate. There needs to be a forgiveness of anything which has so far not been forgiven. 

When your intention is to unconditionally accept the person before you, then you are ready to begin. 

2. Space

Create a warm and inviting space which is comfortable for you both to sit close together. 

3. Position

Sit together in a comfortable position, where you can both see each other’s face. You can sit cross legged together or entwined, whatever feels comfortable for both of you. 

4. Touch

Place your hand on each other’s chest. You may want to place your hands on each other’s heart. You may want to ask each other’s permission before you do this “can I touch you here?” or “can I connect with you?” whatever permission language works for you and your partner. 

5. Sight

Hopefully you have already been looking at each other and not elsewhere. Now that you have connected through touch you can connect intentionally through sight. 


Look at your partner’s face, and focus on their eyes. Look into their eyes with your intention of acceptance, care and joy. You may want to pick one of their eyes to focus on, and take these moments to truly look at each other. It may take practice to feel very comfortable doing this. Looking into your partner’s eyes builds intimacy. 

6. Breathe

You can add breathing together. Take a deep slow breath in unison and exhale together. If it helps count to five in your mind to inhale and count five to exhale. Pay attention to how your partner breathes and mirror their slow and deep breath. You can try different breathing exercises together, for example your partner takes a breath first and exhales, as they exhale you inhale. This breath exercise can feel like a wave of energy between you. 

When you approach these activities they are not to be thought of as chores or tasks, take a playful approach, it does not have to be perfect, adapt this to work for you. The most important element is the intention to unconditionally accept each other. 

When you have experienced looking into each other’s eyes, breathing together and being with each other in this way, it is possible for your empathy and emotions towards your lover to open up in new ways. 

Try it. It might be daunting at first. Follow this guide to help you along the way. Breathing together can bring a deeper sense of intimacy between you and your partner.

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Love Maps; what informs our desires?

  • April 21, 2019March 28, 2020

“Psychologists commonly hold that, for both women and men, internal fantasies are drawn from our unique ‘love maps’, a term first coined in 1980 by Dr. John Money of Johns Hopkins University to describe ‘the sexual temple expressed in every individual’s erotic fantasies and practices.’

In other words, our love maps describe the subconscious blueprint of our erotic desires. The love map lies at the root of our sexual preferences, explaining why we prefer one physical type over another and influencing our sexual fantasies and practices. Each of us has a distinctive love map, as unique as a fingerprint, but there’s no real consensus on exactly how our love maps or sexual templates are formed.

Some say early life experiences and impressions shape our love maps, beginning with an unconscious tendency to seek out characteristics found in our opposite sex parents. Fetishes also ostensibly derive from our experiences, when an early association of an object or image with a sexual stirring becomes emblazoned into our sexual psyche.

Others believe that our early pubescent masturbation fantasies forge our love maps. Early experiences that results in sexual stimulation and orgasms are instinctively repeated. Is it entirely circumstanial that a teenage boy first masturbates to a typical Playboy centrefold and is later drawn to busty blondes?

Others have the opinion that emotional cravings and unconscious psychological needs inform the love map. All of these theories have merit, and in my estimation there is some truth to each. In the end, our love maps are most likely a dynamic, ever-evolving confluence of factors.

This is why porn, particularly the ready access of Internet porn, is such a personal bete noire: It’s not just the simplistic, erroneous view of female sexuality that bugs me, but the degree to which it creates dependence on external triggers that can both obscure and override the organic development of the love map.

Men deprive themselves of the time to luxuriate in fantasies and desires that are personal and individual, and they frequently turn to the geric visuals of porn to catalyse the process. More and more men are turning away from their intimate relationships as a source of sexual exploration and settling instead for erotic junk food.”

An extract from Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

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5 Ways to Find the Passion

  • March 11, 2019March 28, 2020

“Curiosity is a key erotic element, as it keeps us interested in ourselves and in our partner” – Esther Perel

We desire secure and loving relationships which provide comfort and stability. On the other hand we have an equally strong need for adventure, novelty, and discovery. We strive to have both connection and freedom, to be close and safe but also to fan the flames of our desire.

What makes us feel emotionally secure is not always what turns us on erotically. If you want to reignite your love life, you must take on the responsibility of your own desire.

Here are 5 ways to find the passion and desire again:

1. Make a list of 10 things you do to turn yourself on and 10 things which turn you off.

I turn myself on / feel full of life when… I see good friends, think of a sexy encounter, do something new.

I turn myself off / feel dull within when… I repeat the same behaviours every week, I don’t exercise, I worry.

Recognise what ignites your passion and what dampens your fire, your joie de vivre. Invest in what brings you life and enjoyment.

2.If you are in a relationship remember that you don’t own your partner.

When you text or call your partner you expect them to answer.When you come home at night you expect them to be there, but remember they are separate from you. You do not entirely know their thoughts, you are not joined at the hip.

Recognise that your partner has their own autonomy, and ask yourself how can you strengthen your connection between these two separate and autonomous people.

Recognise your partner’s sovereignty because this can ignite eroticism as you are recognising their separateness from yourself. Curiosity is a key erotic element, as it keeps us interested in ourselves and in our partner.

3.Don’t wait for chance. Plan sex in advance.

Imagination is an essential erotic ingredient. Stay erotically engaged with someone for the long haul is an active engagement. Put effort toward making time for and creatively planning for intimacy.

How can you change things up with the consent of your partner? How often do you talk about trying new intimate things together which turn you both on?

4.See your partner with fresh eyes.

Ask yourself, “When do I find myself most drawn to my partner?” Not just sexually attracted to but drawn to.

Love is an exercise in selective perception. Novelty is the ability to let the unknown in, even in the midst of the familiar. When we see the person we know once again as somewhat mysterious, somewhat elusive, and somewhat unknown, it can give us a change in perspective.

5.Make time for yourself.

Human beings are not robots. I may be stating the obvious but you were not made to live for the 9 to 5 working week. Your life may involve a working environment which gives you energy which you find exciting. However remember that the 9 to 5 is not the sum of your life.

You are responsible for your happiness. Make time every day, every week, however often you can fit it in, to do things which make you happy and bring life to you. Actively make time for yourself, it will not happen by accident, you must make a choice to create your happiness.

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Expand Your Sensual Experiences

  • August 14, 2019March 28, 2020

Expand your sensual experiences with this list of essential reading to expand your mind and intimate sensual experiences.

Let me be clear, I think Fifty Shades of Grey is an atrocious book which is badly written and doesn’t give an accurate depiction of BDSM. There is a world of better books out there from more reputable sources.

Here’s more from an article by Dr. I. Kerner…

But with the blockbuster success of “Fifty Shades of Grey,” many people are curious about dipping their toes (not to mention other body parts) into more sexually adventurous waters and sensual experiences.

I’m always careful to make clear that while the adventures of Ana and Christian may make for a compelling erotic yarn, their story is by no means an accurate depiction of BDSM relationships (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism), nor is “Fifty Shades” any sort of guide book.

For instruction on that topic, you’ll need to turn to the works of true sex-positive educators such as Clarisse Thorn or Tristan Taormino and their books “The S&M Feminist” and “The Ultimate Guide to Kink,” respectively.

But there’s no denying that “Fifty Shades” has sparked widespread interest in how to improve our sex lives — and what better way to do that than via a good “how-to” book?

If you’re uncomfortable talking about sex to your friends, doctor, therapist or even your partner, such books can be an important resource, whether they impart new information, help you work through an issue, inspire you to become more adventurous or simply turn you on.

So, in the spirit of sharing, I asked some of my favourite sex experts to pick their favourite books on sex and sensual experiences.

Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University and the author of “Sex Made Easy:”

“Hands down, I recommend ‘The New Male Sexuality‘ by Bernie Zilbergeld. A classic in the field, it gives a rich picture of men’s sexual lives including myths they’re taught about sex and common problems such as erectile issues, communication blocks and rapid ejaculation as well as solutions for these problems.”

Joe Kort, a clinical sexologist and founder of the Center for Relationship and Sexual Health:

“I recommend Jack Morin’s ‘The Erotic Mind,’ which helps remove the shame of sexual behaviors and fantasies by understanding what they mean in a nonsexual way. Morin addresses where fantasies and desires come from and how shame can be removed and replaced with healthy acceptance for individuals and couples.”

Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure:

” ‘Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight‘ by Jamye Waxman and Emily Morse is a fun, sensual, seductive, creative and tantalizing book filled with more than 200 ways to tease, play, entwine and explore. When I coach couples who are in a sex rut, I suggest they use this book as a tool.”

Laura Berman, sex educator, researcher and therapist:

“If I had to pick, I would choose either ‘The Anatomy of Love‘ by Helen Fisher or ‘The 5 Love Languages‘ by Gary Chapman. Both are extremely helpful for couples to understand how men and women are wired differently and to learn how to love one another in a way that lasts.”

Justin Lehmiller, Harvard University social psychologist and online sex columnist at The Psychology of Human Sexuality:

” ‘The Technology of Orgasm‘ by Rachel Maines chronicles the history of ‘hysteria,’ a bogus female medical condition that led to invention of the vibrator. Maines’ book is a meticulously researched, fascinating and humorous look at the origin of hysteria and the birth of the motorised sex toy.

“I also adore ‘Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex‘ by Mary Roach, which traces the history of how scientists have studied sexual arousal and orgasm in a very engaging way that refuses to take itself too seriously and never gets bogged down in jargon or technicalities.

“On a personal level, ‘Bonk’ holds a special place in my heart for helping me realize how much fun a career in sex research could be.”

Megan Andelloux, certified sexuality educator and sexologist:

” ‘America’s War on Sex‘ by Marty Klein describes ridiculous sex laws and research that Americans are led to believe are true. It’s a must-read book for anyone interested in sociology, psychology, sexuality education, law and parenting.

“I’m also a fan of ‘My Secret Garden‘ by Nancy Friday, which discussed women’s fantasies well before erotica became truly popular.”

I’ve read and recommend many of these books myself, and this list is only the beginning of many exceptional works worth exploring and learning from.

In my opinion, no list would be complete without Esther Perel’s “Mating in Captivity,” an excellent guide to integrating a sense of sexual mystery into long-term relationships.

And on a personal note, in 10 years of writing sex books, my first, “She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman,” remains my most popular.

At the time, I often mused that many men — through no fault of their own — knew more about what was under the hood of a car than under a woman’s clothes or what was behind her orgasm.

In writing “She Comes First,” I am grateful to the Federation of Feminist Women’s Health Centers and their book, “A New View of a Woman’s Body” (unfortunately now out of print) and to Rebecca Chalker’s excellent book, “The Clitoral Truth.” Any man or woman truly interested in deepening their knowledge of a woman’s full sexual potential should give this book a read.

Expand your knowledge on sensual experiences and get reading.

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This blog post is adapted from an article authored by Dr. I. Kerner and can be found here https://www.goodinbed.com/blogs/sex_doctors/2012/08/great-books-about-sex/