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Eroticism is an Art
Eroticism is an Art
This is an excerpt from an original article authored by Esther Perel. Esther is a psychotherapist, New York Times bestselling author of The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity.
Esther writes …
Eroticism is trying new things, going new places, making new friends. It’s also remembering the ancient things you’ve long forgotten. I love to ask couples: do you have a song for your relationship? It may be their wedding song or the song that was playing when they met. Recently, one partner told me “You Send Me,” by Sam Cooke.
The other said “My Baby Just Cares for Me” by Nina Simone. We played both. I wanted to bring in something more evocative and poetic something that could get us away from numbers and words and into experiencing.
From there, our conversation opened up: what do you enjoy doing together? Where do you find energy? What is something beautiful you notice today about your partner? Tell them. I can tell you, when it comes to feeling good, half of it happens between our legs; the other half happens between our ears.
This is erotic practice. It’s a practice of exploration, curiosity, connection not just physically, but energetically, emotionally, and psychologically. The more we engage in eroticism outside of the bedroom, the more the bedroom becomes simply another location for eroticism to take place. Sex isn’t just something we do; it’s a place we go inside ourselves or with another.
Questions for Erotic Practice
- What is erotic for you?
- What is an erotic experience you had that was not sexual?
- When do you feel most free?
- Do you prefer hot or cold water and where on your body do you like to feel it?
- Do you prefer giving or receiving? Why?
