Easy Tantra Techniques to Increase Intimacy

Breathe deeply

“Breath is our single greatest source of energy and aliveness. Yet by the time we are adults, most of us are breathing just enough to stay alive.” – Barbara Carrellas.

Most of the time we are breathing shallow breath, that low level breath that is ‘just enough to stay alive’ as Carrellas puts it. Simply breathing deeper can help reconnect you to your five senses, helping you relax, become more aware of yourself and surroundings, as well as create intimacy between you and your partner.

Start by taking a big breath and allow it to fill you, pay attention to your inhalation and then slowly exhale. Notice how your body feels and how your senses of smell, touch, and hearing are different at the end of the breath. You may feel happier, lighter and have the sense of taking up more space in the room.

Next, take a tiny breath, followed by another. Notice how small you feel when you breathe shallowly. Are you hunched over, with tight shoulders? When observing your breath, even in mundane moments, this can teach us how it corresponds with our emotional state. When you’re feeling really good, you’re probably breathing deep and long, and vice versa. This is something you can test right now, wherever you are.

Breath is vitally important when you are trying to make a connection with another person. Try matching your breath to a person with whom you want to connect. This doesn’t have to be in a sexual context, but it can greatly enhance and deepen an intimate connection.

Practice eye gazing

This practice deepens self-love, eliminates shame, opens the heart and can create intimacy. Yes, eye gazing can feel odd at first, be sure to go into it with an open mind.

With a hand mirror in one hand, look into your own non-dominant eye. Your non-dominant eye correlates to handedness: if you’re right-handed, your left eye is the non-dominant eye. First, take a moment to breathe. Then, as you gaze into your own eye, try to have a dialogue with yourself, out loud if you’re comfortable or silently if that feels right.

Carrellas suggests using these “conversation starters” as guidelines:

I love you for . . .

I appreciate it when you …

I forgive you for . . .

Because I really love you, I will . . .

This might feel strange at first, but it’s can be very transformative, an intimate practice, a kind of self therapy or relationship therapy, depending on whether you do it solo or with a partner.

Once you’ve mastered this on your own, you can ask your partner to participate. Start from the beginning, staring into one another’s eyes, with good intention, a willingness to really hear yourself, hear the other person and accept yourself as well as the other person. Gazing into each other’s eyes can feel very intimate, be sure to create a safe sanctuary space for you and your partner.

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