Building Intimacy

Many people come to see me for intimate moments of touch, sensuality, connection, massage and euphoria. This is something that may be missing in their personal connections. Relationships are hard, they take time to invest in and life can get busy with the mundane activities of everyday life.

Building intimacy with a partner, or rebuilding intimacy, can begin with understanding each other’s needs.

There are different types of intimacy

1. Physical intimacy

Physical intimacy includes touch, intimate holding, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, turning each other on, and sensuality. It involves creating a safe and nurturing space for each other, to explore being physical with each other.

2. Emotional intimacy

Creating a foundation of safety, trust, and communication. While physical intimacy allows you to express your feelings through touch, emotional intimacy requires you to communicate words and usually takes some time for couples to build, as it requires a lot of trust and honesty.

3. Intellectual intimacy

Intellectual or cognitive intimacy is when a couple is comfortable sharing and exchanging thoughts and ideas and remaining respectful of one another’s differences and enjoying hearing one another’s point of view, this type of intimacy requires our ability to communicate.

4. Creative intimacy

Creative intimacy is when we express ourselves through our passions. Whether it’s in the form of laughter, art, music, dance, literature, this type of intimacy also communicates our expressive self.

5. Experiential intimacy

Experiential intimacy involves the ability to say yes to adventure, and new experiences, trusting each other to share new activities together. It’s about an ability to play together and try things out.

6. Sensual intimacy 

This is the ability to flirt, touch, and connect in a non-genital, but full-body manner, using a variety of our 5 senses, sight, sound, touch, scent and taste.

7. Sexual intimacy

This is the creativity to broaden mutual eroticism, exploring new ways to be sexually intimate and connected.

Building intimacy in each of these areas can be a wonderful way to know your partner more, and explore things you may not have talked about before. Human beings are complex, dynamic and changing. We are like ice bergs, only a portion is made visible to others. A deep understanding of each other requires us to dive below the surface and become explorers.

Here’s a set of topics to discuss with your partner to begin to have a better understanding of who they are, their needs, desires and begin to build intimacy.

1. What makes you feel connected to me?
2. What makes you feel disconnected from me?
3. How can I make you feel more appreciated?
4. What are your sensual and physical needs?
5. What’s one thing you want me to do to you that I haven’t done?
6. What turns you on/off?
7. What gives you joy in life?
8. How can I support your development, how would you like to learn and grow?
9. What are you insecure about, if anything?
10. What is one thing each of us could improve in this relationship?

From a place of caring and understanding, intimacy can flow. Building intimacy takes time, gentleness and care.