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An intimate moment is created through intellect, care, thought and is the result of a thoughtful loving connection in the moment.
Through this level of thoughtful creation an intimate moment comes into being. Shallow moments are not worthy of your time.
Behind every shallow sexual interaction, there hides a person who does not want to see or be seen at a deeper level.
Michael Mirdad, An Introduction To Tantra And Sacred Sexuality
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The following is an extract from an article written by Esther Perel
When it comes to self love, where did we get the idea that we have to learn how to love all on our own? Have you ever ended a relationship because you needed to “work on yourself?” Have you ever said “I need to learn how to love myself before I can love anyone else, and before I can learn how to be loved?
Western culture is obsessed with the exhortation of individualism. In the past few years, the lexicon of the “Self”, self-love, self-care, self-made, the selfie, etc., has sparked intense debate.
Has “self-love” become a marketing term so that beauty brands can sell more products under the guise of wellness? Is self-care making us more self-critical? Are people really “self-made” billionaires if they started their business with family money and fame?
Does a “selfie” show the world our most empowered self or does it present a better lit and maybe even slightly tweaked version of how we think we’d like to look? When people say “love thyself,” I wonder, which one?
In the west we tend to see the self as a separate entity with clear boundaries that delineate an independent identity. This vision of the self is comprised of internal ruminations about confidence, doubt, happiness, failure, ability, disability, and privilege or lack thereof. But the self is also entangled in connection with the people around us and with social, political, and economic structures.
We don’t just learn to love ourselves by ourselves. It’s a classic chicken or the egg scenario: in order to love another, we must love ourselves. In order to love ourselves, we must allow ourselves to be loved by others. And we must recognise that negative self-esteem is riddled with societal messages about who is lovable, laudable, or loathsome.
It can be wonderful to be alone, to give our body a massage, to cook ourselves a delicious meal for one, but this isn’t self-love, it’s self-reliance and self-sufficiency.
Self-love, on the other hand, is closer to Terry Real’s explanation of self-esteem, our ability to see ourselves as a flawed individual and still hold ourselves in high regard. Self-love is the ability to not fall into a puddle of contempt even when we mess up. It’s trying new things knowing that we could fail, without thinking of ourselves, therefore, as failures. Can we take that understanding and self-compassion into our connections with others?
For this reason, I also resist the term “self-made”, that mentality of “if I make it, I did it on my own and if I end up on the street, I only have myself to blame.” Human beings are simultaneously dependent and self-reliant.
Self-love is less about the ability to withstand loneliness or establish independence and more about awareness and acceptance of our incompleteness. It’s about letting others love us even when we feel unlovable because their version of us is often kinder than our own.
– Can I acknowledge that I messed up without telling myself I’m a mess?
– Can I practice regret without falling into an abyss?
– Can I take responsibility without blaming myself?
– Can I apologise for a mistake instead of hoping everyone will just move on?
– Can I acknowledge a time when I could have been a better leader in my own life?
– Can I release myself from the shame of having not responded sooner to someone so that I can finally reach out?
– Can I accept that I will be okay even if someone who hurt me, a parent, former partner, friend, or stranger, never acknowledges the pain they caused?
– Can I let someone treat me for a coffee, dinner, or movie without feeling guilty?
– Can I accept help from another without jumping to the conclusion that they want something from me?
– Can I hold my point of view without being validated for it?
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You are not limited to this body, to this mind, or to this reality, you are a limitless ocean of Consciousness, imbued with infinite potential. You are existence itself.
― Joseph P. Kauffman, The Answer Is You: A Guide to Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Freedom
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Tantric flow and the pursuit of euphoric sensual energy harnessed within your body, within your touch, your breath and whole being.
The highest quality tantric massage is one where the whole experience flows and weaves, taking you from a relaxed comfortable resting state achieved through massage and into waves of the highest arousal, from tantric lingam or yoni techniques, sensual massage, and back towards a comfortable aura still holding that sensual energy, tangible and electric.
A tantric experience that has reached a tantric flow, where there is true surrender from the person being guided, has an ebb and flow to it, not static episodes but fluid from moment to moment.
Tantric massage holds the possibility, the invitation for you to peak your arousal multiple times. The arousal energy flows in peaks and lower levels on the edge multiple times, before the final deep euphoric release. A full and deep release can be gained from the tantric experience, sending orgasmic sensations throughout the entire body.
The flow of the massage within the whole session is a fundamental element of an authentic tantric massage. The tantric experience starts with relaxing massage strokes and then incorporates the erogenous zones more and more throughout the session.
Breathing together is relaxing, calming, brings oxygen to the body, helps you feel invigorated and can be very sensual. Breathing in an intentional way enables you to focus. More on the benefits of breathing.
Within a tantric massage experience a breathing exercise can incorporate looking into each other’s eyes, breathing in unison, building the trust and closeness for the tantric session. The highest quality tantric experiences evolve out of mutual respect, trust and openness. These are the foundations of humanity itself.
The experience of a tantric massage can be transformative, blissful, erotic, sensual, emotional and therapeutic.
The tantric massage experience can be many things to many people. Wherever you are with your understanding of your body and your sensual energy, tantra meets you there and takes you on a journey. This journey asks you to submit yourself to the tantric elements and to your tantric guide. As you give permission to be led into the experience, as you surrender, your tantric guide creates a sanctuary space for the tantric experience.
The tantric session incorporates relaxing massage, breathing, a sense of awareness of your body, reaching a relaxed and aroused state for your whole being combining lingam or yoni massage techniques.
The tantric massage experience is an invitation to go beyond your known experience of your body and it’s sensual pleasure potential. Tantric flow takes you deeper into more expansive sensual experiences, an awakening for your whole being.
Uncategorized
When anybody talks about erogenous zones their immediate thoughts go to the obvious body parts, such as the breasts, nipples, clitoris, G-spot and the penis. These are the sexual areas of our bodies and are more erogenous than others due to the amount of nerve endings located in these areas.
The word erogenous comes from the Greek eros which means love, and the English genous, meaning producing. An erogenous zone is an area of the human body that has heightened sensitivity, which, when stimulated, may create a sexual response such as relaxation, thoughts of sexual fantasies, sexual arousal and orgasm.
There have been many studies and articles about just how many erogenous zones we have in our body, including the iconic scene portrayed on Friends when Monica teaches Chandler about the seven female erogenous zones. However, there may be many more.
The human body is highly sensitive to touch and experiencing sexual pleasure is different for everyone – what feels sexually arousing for one person may be repulsive for another.
Here’s your guide to some of the lesser known erogenous zones.
1. The Inner Wrist
Because we’re not used to being touched there, the wrist — especially the inside of the wrist — can be an exciting spot. “It’s got a lot of nerve endings,” says McCombs. “It’s right at that pulse point, and it’s that first stage of when your body starts become more intimate.” Touch gently at first, allowing your partner to connect with the fact that you’re touching them sensually. “People often rush stimulation,” she says. “Taking a second and making eyecontact can go a long way toward creating a mood.”
2. The Nape Of The Neck
Though some people might get all Marie Antoinette about having their neck touched, neck kisses are almost always a turn-on, says McCombs. In fact, women ranked the nape of the neck above the breasts and nipples as an erogenous zone, according to a study published in the journal Cortex. “It’s such a sexy place because it’s such a vulnerable place,” says McCombs. “If you combine the lips with the neck, it’s quite a turn-on.” She suggests starting with the sides of the neck, kissing or brushing it gently with your fingers or giving your partner a neck massage.
3. The Buttocks
“You’d think something that’s so often used has lost all feeling,” says NYC-based sex researcher Zhana Vrangalova, Ph.D. “But the bottom is pretty high up there when it comes to erogenous potential.” Not all that surprising, really, considering its proximity to the genitals. How to make the most of this erotic area? Ask your partner how he or she would like to be touched there. Hard? Soft? Massaged? Let them choose.
4. The Scalp
As anyone who’s had a salon styling session knows, having someone massage your hair and scalp can be incredibly soothing. It can also be arousing, says Vrangalova. “Play with your partner’s hair,” she says. “Massage his or her scalp. Run your fingernails across it. See how your partner reacts.”
5. Behind The Knee
Why is the soft spot behind the knee erogenous? “It’s another nerve-rich area where we’re not often touched,” says McCombs. “It’s a novelty, because it’s not where our friends or colleagues are touching us. Touching the back of the knees and leading up to the thighs is intimate… and it gets you closer to the main attraction.” Try gently touching your partner behind the knees while he or she stands in front of you. Or massage them there, alternating between deep pressure and a tickle.
6. The Earlobe
“The sexiest part of the ear is the lobe,” says McCombs. “That gesture where you’re tucking the hair behind the ear feels quite intimate.” To make the most of the ears’ erotic potential, McCombs suggests sensually tickling the edge of your partner’s ear with your finger. Ask your partner what feels good to them. You can softly massage your partner’s ear with a rubbing motion, similar to rubbing a coin, use that motion to lightly massage your partner’s ear. But as far as the rumoured phenomenon known as the “uricologenital reflex” goes (which is said to simulate a nerve inside the ear canal and bring some women to orgasm, McCombs is skeptical. “I wouldn’t recommend someone going straight for a tongue-in-ear without talking about it first,” she says. “A wet willy? Not so great.”
7. The Feet
Though one study found that feet ranked low on the turn-on scale, “there are certainly people for whom having their feet touched, licked, sucked, etc., is a sexually arousing experience,” says Vrangalova. And those people aren’t necessarily foot fetishists, either. “Foot fetishes are usually about being attracted to other people’s feet, not having your own feet touched.”
Adapted from an article in WebMd, https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/7-awesome-erogenous-zones#2 and an article in The Independent https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/the-lesser-known-erogenous-zones-and-how-to-find-them-10419267.html
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Are you ‘cliterate’? How well do you know female sexual geography? When facing a vulva can you pinpoint a women’s “front commissure” or are you neglecting this sexual epicenter and its seismic pleasure potential? What about the elusive G-spot or CUV complex?
Vagina or Vulva?: People often use the word vagina when they mean the vulva.
Vagina: The vagina is the muscular tube inside the body, it runs up from the opening between the inner labia to the cervix, which is the lower end of the uterus.
Vulva: The vulva is the visible part of the female genitals, outside the body. The vulva is made up of inner labia and outer labia, also known as the lips, the clitoris, the opening to the vagina and the opening to the urethra.
Labia Majora (Outer Lips): The labia majora are the outermost portion of the vulva. Like the mons pubis, the labia majora can vary in plumpness, from full to thin, and grow hair. The labia majora are filled with blood vessels and nerve endings, allowing them to respond and contribute to the sexual arousal cycle.
Labia Minora (Inner Lips): The thinner, often more wrinkled, labia minora are between the labia majora. The labia minora come in many different sizes, shapes, and colours and are often longer than the labia majora. The labia minora also cover and protect the vaginal and urethral openings, as well as the clitoris. Like the labia majora, the labia minora are full of blood vessels and nerve endings that play an important role in arousal and sexual pleasure.
Mons Pubis: The mons is the soft, fatty mound of hair bearing tissue, just above the vulva. The mons can vary in size. This is home to most of the pubic hair. The mons is quite sensitive to vibratory sensation, fine touch, pain, and temperature, making it an additional source for sexual pleasure.
Urethra: The urethra is the muscular tube that leads from the bladder to an opening above the vaginal opening. It provides the passageway to empty urine from the bladder.
Perineum: From an anatomical perspective, the vulva lies within the boundaries of the perineum. These boundaries form a diamond-shaped area that extends from the mons pubis on the front to the tailbone at the back and to the sits bones on either side. It includes an area of tissue called the perineal body that lies between the vaginal opening and the anus.
Anus: The anus is comprised of 2 muscular sphincters. It is the end of the gastrointestinal tract.
Clitoris: The clitoris is a complex female sexual organ. Most of us think of the clitoris as a pea sized, sensitive mass of erectile tissue at the top of the vulva. That’s not entirely correct. The part of the body we normally call the clitoris is just a small portion of a much larger organ. The clitoris has three main parts, 1 / the glans, 2 / the shaft, 3 / legs, that contribute to what Sheri Winston, a renowned sexuality teacher, has called the female erectile network.
Amazingly the clitoris is the only part of the human body designed purely for pleasure. It has 8,000 nerve endings, which is double the amount in the glans penis. Mastering this elusive organ is a game-changer.
The entire clitoral structure, also called the internal clitoris, is shaped sort of like a wishbone and runs long either side of the vaginal opening just underneath the labia. Many scientists also believe the g-spot is is part of this structure.
The clitoris is large and primarily internal. The only function of the clitoris is to contribute to sexual arousal. Delightfully, the entire clitoris is made up of erectile tissue, which means it swells and engorges with arousal.
Front Commissure, also known as the Glans of the Clitoris: The outer lips come together at the very centre of the pubic bone at a place called the front commissure. Immediately below the front commissure, the texture and colour of the skin changes, and there you will find the hood of the clitoris covering the shaft of the clitoris and sometimes also the glans of the clitoris, at the tip of the shaft.
The clitoral glans is home to 6,000–8,000 nerve endings, double the amount in the penis, creating twice the sensitivity. It can be small or large and may or may not be covered by the clitoral hood.
The Clitoral Glans or “Clitoral Head”: The clitoral glans or “head” of the clitoris is nestled at the top of the vulva where the inner lips meet. This external portion of the clitoris is spongy and sensitive. On some bodies it’s hidden under the clitoral hood while on others it’s more prominent. When stimulated, it, along with other areas of erectile tissue, swells with blood. This engorgement correlates directly to sexual arousal.
Clitoral Hood: The clitoral hood is actually a fold of tissue created by the labia minora that surrounds and protects the clitoris. The clitoral hood provides a variety of coverage, depending on its size and shape.
Clitoral Shaft: The clitoral shaft extends from the head of the clitoris and is found under the clitoral hood. Its shape is tubular, like a pencil or straw. It varies in length from about one half-inch to one inch. When erect it swells and wraps around the vagina on the inside. Some people enjoy their shaft stroked during sexual pleasure.
Clitoral Legs: Inside the body the clitoral legs extend down either side of the vaginal canal and connect to a larger network of erectile tissue. They branch off from the base of the shaft and run down along the sides of the pubic arch, attaching underneath the pubic bone on either side. It might be helpful to picture a wishbone bending from the centre point. The clitoral legs are about 3 to 4 inches long. When aroused this area swells and points lightly backward.
Vestibular Bulbs: An additional part of the female erectile network is the pair of vestibular bulbs located beneath the labia, lying on either side of the vaginal opening. Imagine them thin at the top, fat at the bottom. At the top, the bulbs connect directly to the shaft of the clitoris. The clitoral bulbs are beside the clitoral legs and lie just underneath the labia. When aroused they fill with blood and push the vulva outward. This is why a sexually stimulated vulva looks slightly swollen, they too play an important role in sexual pleasure.
Vulvar Vestibule: The vulvar vestibule is everything visible between the labia minora. It is below the hood of the clitoris and includes the urethral and vaginal openings.
Where is the G-spot?: You’ve probably heard of the G-spot, along with how it’s the “key” to achieving an earth-shattering vaginal orgasm. But is it real? Honestly, it’s complicated.
G-spot likely does exist, but it’s not some separate, mysterious entity. It’s another erogenous zone linked to the clitoris and some women can achieve an orgasm by stimulating it from inside the vagina.
Known as the Gräfenberg spot, the G-spot was introduced by Dr. Beverly Whipple after she discovered that using a “come here” motion along the inside of the vagina produced a physical response in women. Whipple believed that this region could be the key to women achieving orgasm during sex.
However, it’s important to clarify that the G-spot isn’t actually a distinct part of the female anatomy. In fact, in a 2017 study, researchers attempted to find the G-spot only to come up empty-handed.
Instead of being its own separate spot in the vagina, the G-spot is part of the clitoral network. This means that when you’re stimulating the G-spot, you’re actually stimulating part of the clitoris, which is much larger than we’re led to believe. Turns out, the pea-sized nub where the inner labia meet is actually only the tip of the clitoris and divides into two “roots” or clitoral legs that can be about four inches long.
Plus, this region can vary from woman to woman which explains why it can often be difficult to locate. However, once it’s stimulated, the G-spot can cause female ejaculation (yes, it’s real) and help women reach vaginal orgasm.
These questions have puzzled pleasure-seeking men, women, and scientists since the female G-spot was first identified in the 1940s by German researcher Ernst Gräfenberg, after whom the spot is named. The G does indeed stand for Gräfenberg.
In 2012, a scientific review came to the conclusion that there isn’t much anatomical proof that every woman has a G-spot, but anecdotal evidence and “reliable reports” say that there is indeed a specific area inside the vagina that, when stimulated, may help some women reach orgasm.
Researchers have come a long way since then—kind of. They’ve come to speculate that the G-spot isn’t so much a spot as it (likely) an extension of the clitoris. Yes, you read that correctly. The clitoris is actually much larger than the rosebud-shaped knob at the apex of a woman’s labia. It extends up to five inches inside the body, which is why researchers are beginning to conceptualise the G-spot as not existing independently, but rather, as an entity deeply intertwined with other parts of the female sexual anatomy.
G-spot or CUV complex?
The anatomical relationships and dynamic interactions between the clitoris, urethral sponge, and anterior vaginal wall have led to the concept of a clito urethro vaginal (CUV) complex.
A groundbreaking article published in Nature Reviews in 2014 posited that when the CUV is “properly stimulated during penetration, [it] could induce orgasmic responses.”
In other words, the G-spot likely does exist, but it’s not some separate, mysterious entity. It’s another erogenous zone linked to the clitoris, and some women can achieve an orgasm by stimulating it from inside the vagina.
Still, many women aren’t convinced they have a G-spot. When British researchers asked 1,800 women if they believed they had a G-spot, only 56 percent said yes.
Exploring the CUV complex and what feels good may take various approaches. For women self exploration, understanding what feels good and what brings them to orgasm. For partners, mutually explore with them what feels good to them, it’s not a one approach fits all area of knowledge.
One way to explore the CUV complex is to insert fingers about 2 inches into then vagina and angle them toward the front of the body. Gently explore this area until you feel a difference in texture on the surface of the vaginal wall. This spongy area is the urethral sponge, it is a tube of spongy tissue that wraps around the urethra. This spongy tissue is made up of what is called “erectile tissue”. Erectile tissue is made up of special cells that are capable of becoming engorged during sexual arousal.
The G-spot pleasure centre is unique to each person in location, size, and ability to become aroused, so if you can’t find it right away, it doesn’t mean they don’t have one.
Arousal is a key factor in both finding and maximising your CUV, so you or your partner should invest some time in foreplay before beginning your quest. The reason being, that the patch of textured tissue you’re looking for, is comprised mainly of erectile tissue and will become engorged (ie: easier to find) if you are already aroused.
Dr. Emily Morse says: “The female body has a huge capacity for pleasure, more so than many women have likely experienced. It’s totally possible for you to attain your goal of a vaginal O, no matter how hopeless it might seem. Just because you haven’t found your G-spot yet does not mean it’s not there.”
Exploring with the CUV complex or clitoral network can help uncover the elusive G-spot and reach delicious sensations of pleasure.
More cliterate resources:
She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Dr. Ian Kerner
Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters–And How to Get It, by Dr. Laurie Mintz
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Tantra’s body-positive approach is the direct outcome of its integrative metaphysics according to which this world is not mere illusion but a manifestation of the supreme Reality. If the world is real, the body must be real as well.
If the world is in essence divine, so must be the body. If we must honour the world as a creation of an aspect of the divine Power (shakti), we must likewise honour the body.
The body is a piece of the world and, as we shall see, the world is a piece of the body. Or, rather, when we truly understand the body, we discover that it is the world, which is in essence divine.
Tantra : The path to Ecstasy, by Georg Feuerstein (page 53)
Wellbeing
Boosting your joie de vivre may help you live longer, as a sustained sense of joie de vivre, or the joy of living has linked to increased longevity.
A new study from the University College London (UCL) suggests that the more you are able to enjoy life, the longer you’ll live. In fact, the researchers found a dose-response association between feeling a sustained sense of satisfaction and life enjoyment over the course of several years was linked to a reduction in all causes of mortality. The December 2016 findings from UCL were published online in The BMJ.
In recent months, there’s been a groundswell of reports linking subjective well-being as marked by a sense of joie de vivre, the joy of living, having a positive outlook about the future, and a lack of chronic pessimism with lower morbidity and greater longevity.
As an example, last week researchers at Harvard University reported that people who are optimistic and believe that ‘good things will happen in the future’ tend to live longer than their less-optimistic counterparts. This study appeared online Dec. 7, 2016, in the American Journal of Epidemiology.
Based on growing evidence in recent years that there is a correlation between having a positive outlook on life and longevity, the UCL researchers tested 9,365 men and women aged 50 and older (average age 63) who were taking part in the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing (ELSA). Each study participant was asked to self-assess his or her levels of life enjoyment at two-year intervals between 2002 and 2006. The associations with mortality were analyzed through 2013.
For the record: While analysing the data, the researchers adjusted for a wide range of factors that could inherently make someone’s life more or less enjoyable such as underlying health conditions, wealth, levels of education, clinical depression, etc. Obviously, if you’re living in poverty or with an illness, it’s more difficult to feel upbeat and positive about your life circumstances.
Based on various responses to four questions about self-reported life enjoyment, the participants were graded on a continuum between ‘never or rarely’ experiencing any joie de vivre to experiencing life enjoyment ‘sometimes or often.’
After analysing the data, the researchers found that a total of 2,264 (24%) reported zero high levels of enjoyment in life, 1,833 (20%) reported one episode of high enjoyment, 2,063 (22%) reported having two, and 3,205 (34%) reported having three episodes of high enjoyment.
In the discussion of their paper, the authors write, “A graded effect was apparent, with progressively higher mortality among people with fewer reports of high enjoyment. In the fully adjusted model, the hazard was reduced by 17% among people giving two reports of high enjoyment of life, and by 24% in those giving three reports.” The researchers conclude that a sustained level of life enjoyment over a four-year period was systematically related to a lower risk of death.
Again, the authors stress that this is an observational study. So, it’s impossible to draw causal conclusions. Nonetheless, they believe these results “add a new dimension to understanding the significance of subjective well-being for physical health outcomes by documenting a dose-response association with sustained well-being.”
The new report linking joie de vivre and longevity from UCL corroborates the findings of the recent study on optimism and longevity conducted by Eric S. Kim and colleagues at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health mentioned earlier. In an abstract for their December 2016 study, Kim et al. said –
Growing evidence has linked positive psychological attributes like optimism to a lower risk of poor health outcomes, especially cardiovascular disease. It has been demonstrated in randomised trials that optimism can be learned. If associations between optimism and broader health outcomes are established, it may lead to novel interventions that improve public health and longevity.
Kim and his team analysed data from 70,000 women between 2004-2012. The researchers focused primarily on each participant’s levels of optimism. They also looked at other factors that might play a role in how optimism might affect someone’s odds of dying prematurely based on factors such as high blood pressure, diet, and physical activity. In a discussion of the findings, the researchers state –
Optimists appear to differ on numerous processes that are critically important to a broad spectrum of health outcomes. It has been shown in several studies that optimism is associated with a healthier lipid profile, lower levels of inflammatory markers, higher levels of serum antioxidants, and as noted above, better immune responsiveness.
Other investigations have suggested a slower rate of telomere shortening over time, healthier autonomic function, and higher levels of heart rate variability. Indeed, results from these reports of associations between optimism and a wide array of health factors are consistent with our finding that optimism is associated with multiple causes of death.”
Kim and colleagues found that the most optimistic women had a 38 percent lower risk of dying from heart disease; 39 percent lower risk of dying from stroke; 38 percent lower risk of dying from respiratory disease; 16 percent lower risk of dying from cancer; and a 52 percent lower risk of dying from infection.
Another valuable study on optimism and pessimism was published by researchers from the University of California, Riverside (UCR). This research offers a valuable window into the thin line between being a “Pollyanna” (who sugar-coats everything and never takes off his or her ‘rose-tinted glasses’) and someone who is pragmatic when assessing the reality of terrible situations in life.
Interestingly, the UCR researchers found no differences between optimists and pessimists when it comes to the initial feelings of dread that creep in when someone braces for potentially bad news. The December 2016 study, “Even Optimists Get the Blues: Inter-Individual Consistency in the Tendency to Brace for the Worst,” was published in the Journal of Personality.
In a statement to University of California, co-author Kate Sweeny, psychology professor at UCR, described the findings of her study,
“Although this tendency to brace oneself for potentially bad news is common, intuition might suggest that some people are more likely to brace than others—in particular, happy-go-lucky optimists would seem immune to the anxiety and second-guessing that typically arise as the decisive moment draws near.
[But] counter to intuition, optimists were not immune to feeling a rise in pessimism at the moment of truth. In fact, not a single study showed a difference between optimists and pessimists in their tendency to brace for the worst. Fortunately, it seems that even the most ardent optimists can temper their positive outlook when it pays to do so.”
All the scientific data on the benefits of having a positive attitude, enjoying life, and being optimistic is useless if you can’t put this empirical evidence into action by increasing your own levels of daily joie de vivre. The good news is that making a conscious decision to see the glass as half-full and looking for a silver lining (even in the worst of times) is usually in the locus of your control.
The very joyful thing about seeing ourselves and life from a place of gratitude instead of entitlement is that this way of breathing allows us to be forgiving of difficult circumstances in life and of those people who delivered such difficult circumstances to us.
Gratitude allows us second chances at joy; not with the same circumstances or those same people; but it alleviates the burden of bitterness that comes with not receiving what one believes he/she was entitled to have.
We can instead look forward into life and see that there will be many good things and we will be grateful for them.
― C. JoyBell C.
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10 facts about your penis and what you probably didn’t know about your genitals.
10 facts about your penis, number one
Penises are born ready. It is common for babies to exit the womb with an erection. Even before the moment of birth, ultrasound scans sometimes show a foetus with a fully formed erection.
According to a study from 1991, fetal erections occur most commonly during random eye movement (REM) sleep. And, they can happen a number of times each hour. No one is quite sure why, but it might just be our body’s way of testing things out and keeping them running correctly.
10 facts about your penis, number two
A lot of men might take solace in this fact: our penises are longer than they look. In fact, around half of its entire length is housed inside of our bodies.
You might be thinking, “Well, it’s no good to me up there,” but it needs to remain connected to the rest of your anatomy, so it’s probably best that it stays put.
As you can see from the diagram here, the mass of pink erectile tissue — which comprises the so grandly named corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum — extends well into the pelvic region, forming a sort of boomerang shape.
I wouldn’t use any of the above as a pick-up line, though.
10 facts about your penis, number three
Let’s lay this one to rest, shall we? According to a study published in the journal BJU International, there is no correlation between shoe size and penis length.
Although an older study — which was published in 1993 — did find that penile length was related to both height and foot length, it was a weak relationship, and the authors concluded, “Height and foot size would not serve as practical estimators of penis length.”
Also, the International Journal of Impotence Research published an Iranian study looking at other correlations. They concluded that “penile dimensions are significantly correlated with age, height, and index finger length,” but not foot size.
10 facts about your penis, number four
Most men have 3–5 erections every single night — mostly during REM sleep. Also called nocturnal penile tumescence, it’s still not clear why it happens. However, one theory is that it might help to prevent bed-wetting; an erection inhibits urination.
A full bladder is known to stimulate nerves in a similar region to those involved in erections. But because females experience something similar — nocturnal clitoral tumescence — bed-wetting prevention is probably not the entire answer.
Another potential explanation is that REM sleep is linked with switching off cells that produce noradrenaline in the locus coeruleus, which is in the brainstem. These cells inhibit the tone of the penis. So, by reducing the inhibition, the penis becomes erect.
Whatever the reason behind nocturnal erections, they can be useful as a diagnostic tool. If a man has difficulty achieving an erection when awake but becomes erect when he sleeps, it is an indication that there is a psychological issue, rather than a physical one.
However, if he does not get erections during sleep, the issue may be physical.
10 facts about your penis, number five
So, we’ve established that we can get erections in the womb and during sleep, but this is perhaps even more surprising: the death erection. Also called angel lust or terminal erection, it happens in the moments after death.
Most commonly, it occurs in men who have died from hanging; scientists believe that it may be due to pressure from the noose on the cerebellum. However, it has also been reported following death by a gunshot wound to the head, damage to major blood vessels, and poisoning.
10 facts about your penis, number six
As I’m sure you are aware, there is no bone in your penis, which is fairly unusual for mammals. However, it is still possible to break your penis. It most commonly occurs during vigorous sex, although it has been documented to happen to men who fell out of bed with an erection.
Penile fracture, as it is known, is actually the rupture of the fibrous covering of the corpora cavernosa, which is the tissue that becomes erect when engorged with blood.
The moment of fracture is accompanied by a popping or cracking sound, intense pain, swelling, and — unsurprisingly — flaccidity.
Thankfully, it doesn’t happen very often and, if it is treated swiftly, full function can be restored. As a note of caution, if this happens to you, don’t let embarrassment get the better of you. Go and get it sorted as soon as possible.
10 facts about your penis, number seven
Most men have very little control over exactly when they ejaculate. This is partly because it does not involve the brain. The signal to ejaculate comes from the spinal ejaculation generator. This region in the spinal cord coordinates the necessary functions.
Of course, the higher brain does have some input into these matters — thinking about something else is a well-known way to delay the event, for instance — but the nuts and bolts of the whole operation are dealt with in your spine.
10 facts about your penis, number eight
A man’s erection can point in virtually any direction. Straight ahead, left or right, up or down, there’s no right or wrong.
The following data come from a study that measured the erections of 1,565 men.
In the figures below, if the penis pointed directly up, it was measured as 0 degrees, and if it was forward-pointing (horizontal), it would be 90 degrees:
0–30 degrees — 4.9 percent of men
30–60 degrees — 29.6 percent of men
60–85 degrees — 30.9 percent of men
85–95 degrees — 9.9 percent of men
95–120 degrees — 19.8 percent of men
120–180 degrees — 4.9 percent of men
So, if you’ve ever been concerned that your chap is a bit skew-whiff, don’t worry — you’re normal. While we’re on the topic of “normality,” very few penises are straight; they can curve in any direction. A curve of up to 30 degrees is still considered normal.
10 facts about your penis, number nine
A study on 274 men demonstrated that there is no correlation between the length of a flaccid penis and its erect size. Some start small and end up large (a grower), while some are large when flaccid and only grow a little when erect (a show-er).
Some are even small whatever state they are in, and some are large when flaccid and get much larger. It’s a mixed bag.
This doesn’t hold much relevance outside of the locker room, but I guess it’s good to know anyway.
10 facts about your penis, number ten
Dr. John Harvey Kellogg invented cornflakes and other products because he thought that plain foods would lead Americans away from what he thought was the “sin” of masturbation.
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Orgasm and ejaculation are separate events, although they seem to occur simultaneously. It is important to note that either of these events can occur in the absence of the other.
Sexual desire is a complex interaction among cognitive processes, physiological mechanisms (hormones), physical well-being, and positive mood all affecting the drive toward sexual fantasy or behaviour.
If a man encounters something that excites him sexually, messages are transmitted to the portion of the brain dedicated to sexual response. Many men believe that sexual arousal is always accompanied by an erection, but this is not necessarily the case at the first stage.
A number of other things happen during the early stages of sexual arousal. The brain is flooded with natural chemicals that act similarly to drugs such as cocaine. These natural chemicals, called endorphins, make the man say to himself that whatever is causing the sexual arousal is very enjoyable and should be continued. If the sexual response is the result of observing another person, the man may make an effort to meet the other person involved.
Most men will produce pre-ejaculate when anything considered to be sexually exciting occurs, perhaps even reading a sexually explicit story or watching a sexually explicit movie. There is no limit to the length of time that a man can be aroused, and throughout arousal the man can continue to produce drops of pre-ejaculate.
Normally, excitement is followed by erection. An erection of the penis occurs as the spongy tissues of the penis are engorged with blood. There is one large primary artery responsible for blood flow into the penis, but several veins that drain the penis of blood. When an erection is not happening, the inflow of blood and the outflow is maintained in balance and the penis remains flaccid.
During erection, blood flows into the penis and holes in the spongy tissue in the penis fill with blood. At the same time, flaps in the veins leading out of the penis enlarge, cutting off the drainage. As a result, the penis fills with blood. As more and more blood flows in than out, the penis enlarges and becomes harder.
Finally, veins in the penis are compressed from the increasing pressure from the erection itself. Heart rate and blood pressure also increase, the pressure of blood into the penis increases, keeping the penis hard.
Research indicates that stimulation of the septum, a portion of the brain known to be a part of the limbic system, results in the feeling of an orgasm, but this stimulation produces neither an erection nor ejaculation. These findings support the theory that ejaculation and orgasm, though often linked together, are, indeed, separate events.
Learning how to achieve an erection just below the level, which leads to ejaculation is an important part of sexual enjoyment. It is important for the man to learn how to read his body’s signals that orgasm and ejaculation are near. Psychologists call the point where the man is no longer able to delay orgasm the “point of inevitability”.
Learning how to lengthen the arousal and erection period while delaying orgasm is an important part of maximising enjoyment from sex. As the erection proceeds, the physical sensations become increasingly more and more exciting, and the psychological pressure to ejaculate becomes more and more intense. It is essential to learn how to keep the stimulation just below the level required for ejaculation, while learning to deal with the increasing psychological pressure to ejaculate.
The psychological pleasure becomes more and more intense, the longer the arousal can be maintained without ejaculation, but the greater the enjoyment for the man. Developing these skills and dealing with the psychological desire to ejaculate for as long as possible requires practice.
Women usually require a somewhat longer period of time to become fully aroused, so being able to delay orgasm potentially increases the enjoyment of sex by both partners.
All of the sections of the erect penis are not equally sensitive. Thus, by varying locations being stimulated, the man can perhaps delay orgasm. Stimulation of the base of the penis, near the body, while pleasant, normally will not be sufficient to achieve orgasm. The underside of the tip of the penis, called the “frenulum”, is very sensitive to manual stimulation. If this area of the erect penis is stimulated very much, an orgasm (and ejaculation) will occur almost immediately.
A significant portion of the penis, perhaps one- third to one-half of it, lies inside the body. This portion of the penis also responds to manual stimulation. It can be felt and externally massaged at a spot called the perineum area, which is directly behind the base of the scrotum. This is a little recognised but highly sensitive area of the male body. This spot is sometimes referred to as the “second male G spot” though many men are not even aware that it is a sexually sensitive area.
In addition to the possibility of externally massaging the interior portion of the erect penis, a bundle of nerves terminate here, and the main artery that is responsible for providing blood for erections runs through this area. Inside, but directly above this area lies the Cowper’s glands. It is likely that external massage of this area will to a certain degree stimulate these glands.
The prostate is a little further up, but nearby. It is possible and often very pleasant to externally massage the prostate, a walnut-size gland, responsible for secreting most of the liquid contained in the semen by pressing on the perineum, or directly inside the rectum, as the gland is located only about an inch inside.
With practice, a man can learn a degree of control over the point when he proceeds to orgasm and ejaculation. Some men believe that male orgasm invariably results in ejaculation, but this is not always true. Some men have learned techniques for having multiple orgasms without ejaculating. Many of these techniques involving squeezing of the urethra such that the semen is not allowed to leave the body.
As the point of orgasm approaches, pre-ejaculate production will normally stop, and the hole in the tip of the penis becomes slit-like. The testicles become hard and are drawn up near the body in preparation. Breathing becomes heavier, and there may be involuntary contractions of major muscles (convulsions) throughout the body.
Finally, the psychological and physical pressure to ejaculate is released in a series of muscular contractions, usually about 8 major contractions spaced a second or so apart, followed perhaps by several smaller ones that can last 45 seconds or so.
Ejaculatory Force: Generally the more frequently a man has an ejaculation, the less force that ejaculation will have. If one is able to ejaculate two to three hours after his previous ejaculation, the semen just dribbles out.
Semen: There is a wide variation in semen production, but about 60 percent on average, comes from glands called the seminal vesicles, whereas 38 % comes from the prostate, with the remainder from glands such as the Cowper’s.
Frequency of Ejaculation: According to a number of studies, Many post- pubescent young men report daily ejaculation, if not more frequently than that. This frequency gradually declines for most males to 2-3 time per week, which is typical of men in there forties. But there is still considerable variation among adult men of a given age.
Once the arousal has begun, there are physical and psychological changes that take place in men. As outlined earlier, typically, an involuntary message is sent from the brain to the nerves that control a series of valves on the veins by which blood is drained from the penis. At the same time, blood continues to enter the penis through the main artery, the heartbeat rate increases, and blood pressure rises. With blood flowing in faster than it is returned, the penis starts to become erect.
When the penis is flaccid, touch seems little different than touch on any other part of the anatomy. But as erection starts to take place, the nerve endings concentrated in the penis start to become more sensitive and pleasant to the touch.
Sexual tension has started. The first sexual feelings are rather unfocused, but as arousal begins, the man’s attention increasingly is focused on the sensations emanating from the groin area. Many men believe these sexual sensations occur only in the penis, but there are many other places in the groin area that are quite sensitive as well.
Equally interesting are the psychological changes that are taking place, something that few men acknowledge. At the initial stages of arousal, the man has no particular psychological “urge” to press forward to ejaculation. But as the arousal and erection continues, the psychological urge to press forward to ejaculation becomes stronger and stronger. This is the essence of building sexual tension. Psychologically, the man experiences the feeling of wanting more and more stimulation to continue and increase the intensity of the sexual feelings.
The entire experience can be likened to the winding of a “sexual” spring.
Increasing stimulation causes the “sexual” spring to be wound tighter and tighter, increasing the sexual tension. These sensations are extremely pleasant, but at the same time, the unreleased tension is also described as very “frustrating” by most men. Interestingly, some men describe this as a “delicious” frustration, and many agree that it is among the best, if not the best of experiences that life has to offer.
The tighter the sexual spring can be wound, the more exciting the sexual “ride” and the more “extreme” the ultimate release will be. This is a human experience not to be missed. Fully recognising this and fully taking advantage of these sensations and psychological urges in an effort to more completely enjoy them for a longer period of time without moving directly forward to orgasm, something that most men must learn. But the results are well worth the effort, both in terms of the man’s own enjoyment as well as for the benefit and enjoyment of a sexual partner.
Once the orgasm is complete, the valves which had maintained the erection, are opened and the penis is drained of blood so that within a space of a few minutes it has returned to its flaccid state.
Some research has suggested that testosterone produced by the sex organs in males and the adrenal glands (on top of the kidneys) in females, has less to do with whether a man will become sexually aroused than is widely believed. Other recent research suggests that it is not testosterone, but a compound closely related to testosterone that is important. Ordinarily, after ejaculation, a man has no further interest in sexual activity of any kind. For a period of 10 minutes to perhaps more than an hour, or even days for older men. During this refractory period a man is physically unable to achieve another orgasm even if he is able to maintain erection.
The generally pleasant feelings of satiety, lack of interest in further sexual activity and sleepiness following the male orgasm, which many women do not appear to fully understand or appreciate, are primarily linked to a chemical called oxytocin that is released during orgasm.