Tantric Blog

You Are So Much More Than You Know

You Are So Much More Than You Know

There are a few central recurring questions humans are likely to ask themselves over the course of their life. These questions include Who am I?, Why are we here?, What does our future hold?, What’s the origin of the Universe?

These questions are not only on the minds of people who consider themselves to be spiritual, but also the scientific. These are some of the questions Professor Brian Cox investigates with a scientific approach through his book and TV series of the same name, Human Universe.

The ability to ask questions, consider concepts and follow through with logical thinking is the domain of humans, and no other species has demonstrated this ability.

Tantra has also considered the questions of Who am I? and How can I get more of what I want in my life? The Tantra Taittiriya Upanishad texts say that if we really want to know who we are, and get more joy and fulfillment in life, we need to know our subtle anatomy.

Tantric texts describe our anatomy as composite of five bodies, pancha koshas

1 – the physical body

2 – the energetic body

3 – the mental/emotional body

4 – the inner-teacher or wisdom body

5 – the bliss body

In Tantra when we can bring awareness into the deep layers of each of these bodies, we gain access to our highest, most evolved, powerful self.

Our human bodies are complex and fascinating. The human brain is the most complex thing in the universe , the human brain has approximately 1×10¹¹ neurons that interconnect with each other 1×10¹⁵ times (in a changing manner). All this with a weight of around 1.5 kg and a volume of 1,300 cubic centimeters. That is enough to tell us who we are: beliefs, political preferences, sports predilections and who we fall in love with.

Whether you have a mindset that is scientific or spiritual, or a mind set that has a bit of both, there is so much more to understand and explore about ourselves, others, our known world and the infinite cosmos that scientists are learning more about.

“Every one of us is, in the cosmic perspective, precious. If a human disagrees with you, let him live. In a hundred billion galaxies, you will not find another.”
― Carl Sagan, Cosmos

Image credit, Nasa galleries

Quote of the day

Quote of the Day: The Beginner’s Mind

We cannot learn if we are stuck in our mind’s conditioned way of thinking. We must be open to discovering the Truth, whatever it may turn out to be. This requires a state of openness, curiosity, and sincerity, a state of pure awareness, a state of observing reality without jumping to conclusions about what reality is. This state of direct experience is known in Zen as “beginner’s mind,” and it is essential to embody this state when we want to understand our experience.

– Joseph P. Kauffman, The Answer Is YOU: A Guide to Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Freedom

Building Intimacy

Building Intimacy

Many people come to see me for intimate moments of touch, sensuality, connection, massage and euphoria. This is something that may be missing in their personal connections. Relationships are hard, they take time to invest in and life can get busy with the mundane activities of everyday life.

Building intimacy with a partner, or rebuilding intimacy, can begin with understanding each other’s needs.

There are different types of intimacy

1. Physical intimacy

Physical intimacy includes touch, intimate holding, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, turning each other on, and sensuality. It involves creating a safe and nurturing space for each other, to explore being physical with each other.

2. Emotional intimacy

Creating a foundation of safety, trust, and communication. While physical intimacy allows you to express your feelings through touch, emotional intimacy requires you to communicate words and usually takes some time for couples to build, as it requires a lot of trust and honesty.

3. Intellectual intimacy

Intellectual or cognitive intimacy is when a couple is comfortable sharing and exchanging thoughts and ideas and remaining respectful of one another’s differences and enjoying hearing one another’s point of view, this type of intimacy requires our ability to communicate.

4. Creative intimacy

Creative intimacy is when we express ourselves through our passions. Whether it’s in the form of laughter, art, music, dance, literature, this type of intimacy also communicates our expressive self.

5. Experiential intimacy

Experiential intimacy involves the ability to say yes to adventure, and new experiences, trusting each other to share new activities together. It’s about an ability to play together and try things out.

6. Sensual intimacy 

This is the ability to flirt, touch, and connect in a non-genital, but full-body manner, using a variety of our 5 senses, sight, sound, touch, scent and taste.

7. Sexual intimacy

This is the creativity to broaden mutual eroticism, exploring new ways to be sexually intimate and connected.

Building intimacy in each of these areas can be a wonderful way to know your partner more, and explore things you may not have talked about before. Human beings are complex, dynamic and changing. We are like ice bergs, only a portion is made visible to others. A deep understanding of each other requires us to dive below the surface and become explorers.

Here’s a set of topics to discuss with your partner to begin to have a better understanding of who they are, their needs, desires and begin to build intimacy.

1. What makes you feel connected to me?
2. What makes you feel disconnected from me?
3. How can I make you feel more appreciated?
4. What are your sensual and physical needs?
5. What’s one thing you want me to do to you that I haven’t done?
6. What turns you on/off?
7. What gives you joy in life?
8. How can I support your development, how would you like to learn and grow?
9. What are you insecure about, if anything?
10. What is one thing each of us could improve in this relationship?

From a place of caring and understanding, intimacy can flow. Building intimacy takes time, gentleness and care.

5 Ways to Create Erotic Connection

5 Ways to Create Erotic Connection

Eroticism is often the fire of new connections, lovers and relationships. Over time erotic connection can fade, so how can we recreate the erotic fire that felt so alive in new connections?

Many of us, when it comes to sensuality tend to do what we think we should do rather than what we’d like to be doing, and this is not just a statement about women. We get stuck in ruts and disconnect from our imaginations. 

We would love to experience new things with our partners but we can be afraid to invite ourselves or them. A minor annoyance or a major impasse can both be catalysts for shutting down sensually. Sometimes we’re “not in the mood;” other times we wonder if we’ve lost what once made us desirable to our partners.

We tend to think of these as sensual issues. Really, it’s an erotic dilemma and a road block to erotic connection. Contrary to what we are taught, eroticism isn’t purely sensual; it is sensuality transformed and socialised by the human imagination. The imagination creates the plot. 

Flirtation, longing, and anticipation all play within our mind’s eye. This is where our erotic faculties live. Eroticism is a time machine. It’s activated by the pains and pleasures of our complicated pasts. It breeds hope and possibilities for the future. It makes us feel utterly present. Eroticism is a creative energy that explores, is adventurous and dares to say yes. 

Engaging in eroticism enables us to maintain a sense of aliveness, vibrancy, and vitality. So how can we invite eroticism back into our lives and our connections? 

1 / Expand your definition of eroticism

The central agent of eroticism is our imaginations. The most overlooked erotic organ is our mind. We can anticipate, dream, and give meaning. Deep eroticism is intimate; deep intimacy is erotic.

2 / Cultivate pleasure for its own sake

Playing it safe gets it done, but if you want a sense of renewal and excitement, step outside of your comfort zone. Creating meaningful connection often requires adjusting the context in which intimacy is taking place. Switch up your routines, the same rituals inevitably lose their impact. Create the right setting, we pay attention to the space, light, and mood. Upkeep of our space ensures we’re ready to play at any time.  

3 / Create meaningful connection through play

Couples who are plagued by sensual boredom would be well to explore the hidden fantasies and desires that turn them on. A great way to do this is to engage in sensual play.

Have a go at making lists of what turns you on. If you had to direct an erotic scene, what would it be like? Be detailed, be specific, every detail matters in the world of pleasure. 

4 / Get away from goals and performance

At this moment, getting it done, being efficient, and our obsession with optimatization creates an anti-erotic culture.  Stop focusing on the physicality of it. Linger. Take your time and savour the experience. Let things unfold and not be so goal oriented. 

5 / Explore your erotic blueprints

Tell me how you were loved; I will tell you how you make love. The psychology of our desires often lies buried in the details of our childhood and in our relationships with our caregivers. It didn’t start when we found our partners. What gives us intense pleasure sometimes comes from very dimly-lit places inside of ourselves, and from experiences that were actually quite painful. Our imagination compensates for what was missing, and for what may be missing now. Sexual fantasies reveal our deepest emotional needs. Provided you are in a healthy enough relationship to go there, explore the roots of your sexuality. Exploring our physical, mental, and emotional depths enables us to deepen our intimacy. 

Creating erotic connection takes creativity, imagination, investment, it is worth it to explore a dynamic and fulfilled sensual life full of joy, wonder and delicious moments.

Adapted from an article by Esther Perel, read the original article here

Image credit, Bea, source

Everyday Ecstasy and Seven Tantric Keys of Awakening 

Everyday Ecstasy

Seven Tantric Keys of Awakening 

• Say yes to life in all its erotic passion 

• Go with the flow of the life force within and all around you 

• Trust yourself, and allow your personal power to manifest in life 

• Open your heart in loving compassion to the self and others 

• Authentically express your creativity and your truth 

• Look within to achieve clarity and insight in your life 

• Surrender to your Source (whatever that may mean for you personally) and know gratitude, peace and a new capacity to live at your maximum potential in every moment 

These seven tantric keys can open us up to our essential selves and unleash in us that abundant, joyous energy everyday, that allows us to be all that we can be as human beings 

From Margot Anand, The Art of Everyday Ecstasy 

Quoting the Stoics

Quoting the Stoics

“In your actions, don’t procrastinate.

In your conversations, don’t confuse.

In your thoughts, don’t wander.

In your soul, don’t be passive or aggressive.

In your life, don’t be all about business.” – Marcus Aurelius

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Eroticism and self care

Eroticism and Self Care

Erotic self care begins with diminishing our inner critic.

Eroticism is sensuality transformed by the human imagination. It’s the thoughts, dreams, anticipation, impulses, and memories which make up our vast erotic landscapes. It’s energised by our entire human experience. Eroticism is informed by our experiences of touch or play which later become cornerstones of our erotic life.

We tend to think of eroticism as a sensual state shared by two or more people, but really, it starts with the individual.

Eroticism blooms and manifests in the things we say and do, by how we act, by how we think and takes practice to fully become part of our sensual selves.  

‍Erotic self care begins with diminishing our inner-critic and giving ourselves simply the permission to feel beautiful, to enjoy our own company, to be more compassionate and realistic with ourselves without vacillating between excess and repression. I’m thinking of the many people who have described using their fingers to swipe the multitude of possibilities better kept fantasy than reality when those same fingers could be used pleasuring themselves. 

Incorporating eroticism into a self care plan is basically about exploring what brings vibrancy and vitality into our lives. Whether we seek to explore eroticism on our own or with a partner, it always starts at the source: our self. 

Adapted from an article by Esther Perel. Read more from Esther’s article here.

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Choose a Passionate Life

Choose a Passionate Life

How to choose a passionate life, there are multiple elements which unlock the positive passion energy within you. Many people talk about finding your passion, however your passion is already within you, it’s waiting to be discovered and explored.

Learning to use these elements can create a self sustaining passion in life and throughout your activities. The more you learn to unlock your passion, the more natural it becomes to you, and the more your passion starts to reinforce itself throughout your life. This type of all encompassing passion leads to a happiness that is filled with both joy and meaning, as well as a sense of energy and freedom. This is your opportunity to choose to live a more fulfilling life that isn’t about pursuing the one thing you love, but about finding love in what you do. 

The elements of discovering your passion and living a passionate life:

1 / Be the authentic you

2 / Find your ‘why’, your raison d’etre

3 / Master the art of learning and exploring new experiences

4 / Connect with a community of peers and friends that nourish your life and wellbeing

5 / Know your strengths

Returning June 2022

Returning June 2022

Yes, I am returning in June and will be providing blissful Tantric massages, located in Russell Square, WC1.

In 2020 I had already planned to return, and then a more urgent matter of global health put that return on hold. The wait is almost over and today I am writing to let you know that in June I will again be taking appointments. For those of you who have experienced an appointment with me before, you will know I expertly blend Tantric techniques, with full body massage, sensual play and intimate moments.

I am not taking appointments until June, which enables me to take time to plan my return with care and excellence at its core.

I am interested to know from you, what do you really value from a Tantric massage experience worthy of a Tantric connoisseur? If you could create your perfect session, what would be the elements that you combine? If you’d like to answer this, you are welcome to email me massagelondonappointment[at]gmail.com

Looking forward to once again creating sessions of Tantric bliss, eroticism and sensuality.

Ella Tantra

About Ella

Easy Tantra Techniques to Increase Intimacy

Easy Tantra Techniques to Increase Intimacy

Breathe deeply

“Breath is our single greatest source of energy and aliveness. Yet by the time we are adults, most of us are breathing just enough to stay alive.” – Barbara Carrellas.

Most of the time we are breathing shallow breath, that low level breath that is ‘just enough to stay alive’ as Carrellas puts it. Simply breathing deeper can help reconnect you to your five senses, helping you relax, become more aware of yourself and surroundings, as well as create intimacy between you and your partner.

Start by taking a big breath and allow it to fill you, pay attention to your inhalation and then slowly exhale. Notice how your body feels and how your senses of smell, touch, and hearing are different at the end of the breath. You may feel happier, lighter and have the sense of taking up more space in the room.

Next, take a tiny breath, followed by another. Notice how small you feel when you breathe shallowly. Are you hunched over, with tight shoulders? When observing your breath, even in mundane moments, this can teach us how it corresponds with our emotional state. When you’re feeling really good, you’re probably breathing deep and long, and vice versa. This is something you can test right now, wherever you are.

Breath is vitally important when you are trying to make a connection with another person. Try matching your breath to a person with whom you want to connect. This doesn’t have to be in a sexual context, but it can greatly enhance and deepen an intimate connection.

Practice eye gazing

This practice deepens self-love, eliminates shame, opens the heart and can create intimacy. Yes, eye gazing can feel odd at first, be sure to go into it with an open mind.

With a hand mirror in one hand, look into your own non-dominant eye. Your non-dominant eye correlates to handedness: if you’re right-handed, your left eye is the non-dominant eye. First, take a moment to breathe. Then, as you gaze into your own eye, try to have a dialogue with yourself, out loud if you’re comfortable or silently if that feels right.

Carrellas suggests using these “conversation starters” as guidelines:

I love you for . . .

I appreciate it when you …

I forgive you for . . .

Because I really love you, I will . . .

This might feel strange at first, but it’s can be very transformative, an intimate practice, a kind of self therapy or relationship therapy, depending on whether you do it solo or with a partner.

Once you’ve mastered this on your own, you can ask your partner to participate. Start from the beginning, staring into one another’s eyes, with good intention, a willingness to really hear yourself, hear the other person and accept yourself as well as the other person. Gazing into each other’s eyes can feel very intimate, be sure to create a safe sanctuary space for you and your partner.

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