Tantric Blog

Tantric Blog

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Eroticism is an Art

Eroticism is an Art

This is an excerpt from an original article authored by Esther Perel. Esther is a psychotherapist, New York Times bestselling author of The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity

Esther writes …

Eroticism is trying new things, going new places, making new friends. It’s also remembering the ancient things you’ve long forgotten. I love to ask couples: do you have a song for your relationship? It may be their wedding song or the song that was playing when they met. Recently, one partner told me “You Send Me,” by Sam Cooke.

The other said “My Baby Just Cares for Me” by Nina Simone. We played both. I wanted to bring in something more evocative and poetic something that could get us away from numbers and words and into experiencing.

From there, our conversation opened up: what do you enjoy doing together? Where do you find energy? What is something beautiful you notice today about your partner? Tell them. I can tell you, when it comes to feeling good, half of it happens between our legs; the other half happens between our ears.

This is erotic practice. It’s a practice of exploration, curiosity, connection not just physically, but energetically, emotionally, and psychologically. The more we engage in eroticism outside of the bedroom, the more the bedroom becomes simply another location for eroticism to take place. Sex isn’t just something we do; it’s a place we go inside ourselves or with another.

Questions for Erotic Practice

  • What is erotic for you? 
  • What is an erotic experience you had that was not sexual?
  • When do you feel most free?
  • Do you prefer hot or cold water and where on your body do you like to feel it?
  • Do you prefer giving or receiving? Why?

Read Esther Perel’s full article on her website

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Quotes for a Reflective Life

Quotes for a Reflective Life

“So many people spend their health gaining wealth, and then have to spend their wealth to regain their health.”
– A. J. Reb Materi

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Benefits of Hand Massage

Benefits of Hand Massage

The health benefits of massage therapy are well documented, and a hand massage is no exception. Having your hands massaged feels good, it can help ease muscle tension, and it may even reduce pain.

Studies have shown that having a professional hand massage just once a week, and doing self-massage once a day, may help reduce the pain associated with many conditions, including arthritis, carpal tunnel syndrome, and neuropathy.

A hand massage has the potential to improve your health and well-being in a number of ways. According to a 2011 study Trusted Source, the benefits of a hand massage may include:

  • reduced hand pain
  • less anxiety
  • better mood
  • improved sleep

According to a 2018 study Trusted Source, getting a regular massage may also help lower your blood pressure. This study, however, did not focus specifically on hand massages.

Another study published in 2015 Trusted Source involved nurses working in intensive care units found that a twice-weekly general massage significantly reduced their stress levels.

How give yourself a hand massage

  • Sit in a comfortable position. To apply moderate pressure, it may be easier to have one hand on a table while you use your other hand to do the massage strokes.
  • Use your palm to stroke your forearm from the wrist to the elbow and back again on both sides. If you want to, you can extend the stroking to your shoulder. Do this at least three times on both sides of your forearm. The idea here is to warm up your muscles.
  • Use your palm to stroke from your wrist to your fingertips on both sides of your hand. Do this at least three times. Use moderate pressure.
  • Cup your hand around your forearm with your thumb underneath. Pinch your skin starting at the wrist, and work slowly up to the elbow and back down again. Do this on both sides of the forearm at least three times using moderate pressure.
  • Use your thumb and forefinger — or your thumb and all your fingers — to press in a circular or back-and-forth motion, slowly moving up your hand and forearm. Do this on both sides of your arm and hand at least three times using moderate pressure.
  • Press your thumb in a circular motion with moderate pressure all around the back of your hand and then your palm. Continue pressure with your thumb along both sides of each finger. Use your thumb to massage the area between your thumb and forefinger.

Watch how to give yourself a hand massage

Scientific evidence has shown that a simple hand massage a day can ease pain, increase hand strength, and reduce stress and anxiety. 

Many published scientific studies have shown that doing something as simple as giving yourself a 15-minute daily hand massage can greatly improve not only your hand health but also your overall health.  So grab some oil, lean back, and get ready to learn what the ancient Egyptians started doing 4,500 years ago, and what modern science has finally proven! 

Studies have shown that giving yourself a 15-minute hand massage every day, along with a professional hand massage once per week, can reduce your overall stress or anxiety, reduce hand pain, increase grip strength, improve your sleep, improve circulation, and put you in a better mood.  And this is especially true for those with arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis (RA), carpal tunnel, trigger finger, and a host of other hand issues. With benefits like these, there is no reason not to give yourself a quick hand massage at least once a day – while you’re watching TV, lying in bed, or at the kitchen table.  If you don’t know how, then keep reading!

This post is adapted from original articles, from Healthline and Jamber

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Quotes for a Reflective Life

Quotes for a Reflective Life


“The concept of total wellness recognises that our every thought, word, and behaviour affects our greater health and well being. And we, in turn, are affected not only emotionally but also physically and spiritually.”
– Greg Anderson

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Fact or Fiction: Can exercise actually “boost” your metabolism?

Fact or Fiction: Can exercise actually “boost” your metabolism?

Can you “boost” your metabolism by exercising more? Well, it’s complicated.

Diving deep into surprising truths about how the body conserves and expends energy in the form of calories, Dr. Jen Gunter reveals what your metabolism actually does, the role of exercise and other things weight loss culture doesn’t want you to know.

For more on how your body works, tune in weekly to her podcast Body Stuff with Dr. Jen Gunter, from the TED Audio Collective.

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Breathing exercises for better sleep

Breathing Exercises for Better Sleep

The stress of the day can send our minds into overdrive at night. We’re supposed to be resting, but our thoughts won’t let us fall asleep, or our thoughts wake us up in the middle of the night.

A good sleep routine is key to putting the mind to bed, there’s also another easy and effective way to let go of the day and relieve stress so we can get some rest: by controlling our breath using breathing exercises. When we take a purposefully slow inhale through the nose and a big, long exhale through the mouth, we signal to the mind and body that we’re safe, that it’s okay to calm down. From under the covers, we can slow down our thoughts, relax the body, and improve our chances of sleeping better, breath by breath. Essentially they are breathing exercises for better sleep.

Just like meditation, deep breathing exercises can be practiced regularly as a part of a nighttime routine. They can also be used as a life skill to calm us down after waking up from loud noises or nightmares, or even as an alternative to grabbing our phones before bed.

Key takeaways:

  • Deep-breathing exercises signal to the mind and body it’s okay to calm down and relax
  • Breathing exercises at bedtime and during the day can help us sleep better
  • Try 10 meditations for better sleep

What are breathing exercises for sleep?

Breathing exercises for sleep are just like other deep-breathing exercises we may have tried. We intentionally control how to breathe, taking slow, deep inhales and long exhales to experience a sense of relaxation. Not only does it increase airflow in the body, but it also activates our “rest and digest” system, which tells the body and mind to calm down — exactly what we want out of an exercise for better sleep.

Breathing exercises for sleep don’t demand much from us: only taking deep breaths and, in some cases, counting. They’re most often practiced at night when we’re in bed and we’re already tired (or hoping to be tired soon), so we don’t need to try too hard or think too much about getting it “right.” We can simply feel the body sinking into the bed, take a moment to enjoy that feeling, and start breathing.

Since these sleep exercises are so closely tied to the act of getting into bed — something we do every single night — they’re great for beginners to try. Why? Because tacking a new habit onto an existing routine makes it easier to do. Once our heads hit the pillow, taking those first 3 or 5 minutes to breathe deep doesn’t seem like another task to complete. It actually feels kind of luxurious. And maybe even a bit of self-care we begin to look forward to.

Now, breathing exercises won’t force us to sleep or guarantee good quality Zzz’s. We might finish a round of breathwork in bed and still be wide awake. But, like meditation, deep breathing trains the mind to let go. We learn to focus less on our thoughts and more on our breath. The more we practice, the easier it will be to notice whatever pops up in our minds, let it go, and drift off.

How do I practice breathing exercises for sleep?

The first step to a regular practice is to get ourselves and our spaces ready for the night, just in case we fall asleep while we’re doing this breathing exercise. Once everything’s set and we’re in bed, it’s time to lay down flat on our backs with our necks as straight as possible so it’s nice and easy to breathe. While it’s best to lay without a pillow for this kind of sleep exercise, it’s even more important that we’re comfortable. So, we can use whatever support makes each of us feel good.

Next, settle in. The day has stopped and there’s nothing else to do. That alone must feel nice. Take a big breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. And let our breathing go back to normal. How’s the body feeling? Relaxed? Supported? Tense? Restless? No answer is good or bad in this moment. We’re simply identifying it so we can become more aware of how our breath works and makes us feel.

Still breathing normally, we can wind down a bit more by paying attention to each inhale and exhale. We might even want to gently place one hand on the stomach to feel our breath coming and going. After a few rounds of this, start the breathing exercises for sleep.

To feel even more benefits from this sleep exercise, we can start deep-breathing exercises for sleep way before our heads hit the pillow. Let’s go back to a sleep routine for a bit.

When we practice a good sleep routine, it means that we’re making choices throughout the day that support our circadian rhythm, aka our sleep cycle. Daytime workouts, limiting caffeine intake, and unplugging from devices an hour before bed are all examples of activities that set us up for better sleep at night. And now, research shows that slow, deep breathing combined with a good sleep routine and relaxation techniques like meditation may be “highly effective” in helping us fall asleep or back to sleep.

It’s especially useful to practice breathing exercises during a particularly stressful day. Research shows that deep breathing and other breathwork techniques help us calm down during moments of stress. If we take the time to care for our minds in the moments we need to, it’s less likely to disturb us later that night.

If we decide that regular deep-breathing exercises are right for us, it’s important to note that we might still feel intense emotional or physical sensations during breathwork. It’s common for tingling to occur in the hands or toes, tightening or other feelings of discomfort in the body, and even changes in body temperature.

If this happens, it’s nothing to fear. We can pause the breathwork and return to normal breathing, bring our focus to an object in the room, stretch gently, or do something else that helps to settle the body. Remember: these breathwork instructions are suggestions. We can always stop or do something else entirely.

What breathing exercises are good for sleep?

The best and most effective breathing exercises are the ones that work for each of us. Try the different practices and see what techniques and exercises fit. Then, we can use them as tools to help take control of our breath when we’re winding down for the night. In each of the techniques below, repeat for as long as it feels good.

Having a bad day? Try belly breathing.

Here’s a breathing exercise we can practice during the day to feel less stressed. We’re not breathing into our belly here, but the belly will puff out when we fill up our lungs. It might be helpful to place a hand on the stomach so we can feel how it rises and falls when we direct our breath there.

Slowly breathe in through the nose and feel the belly push out. Slowly exhale through the mouth and feel the belly draw inwards.

Can’t wind down? Try box breathing.

If we find ourselves unable to settle down before bed, this technique can help our mind focus on the present moment: being in bed with nothing to do.

For this breathing exercise, it might be helpful to imagine a box and its 4 equal sides. See it? This visualization will help us breathe and hold our breath for the same number of counts while we trace one corner to the next in our minds, all the way around the box.

Taking slow, deep breaths, inhale through the nose for 4, hold the breath for 4, exhale through the mouth for 4, and hold the breath for 4 before we inhale again.

Want to drift off? Try the 4-4-6 technique.

Here, we’re slowing the breathing with an extra-long exhale. Inhale through the nose for 4, hold the breath for 4, then exhale through the mouth for 6.

Count the breaths from 10 down to 1. Starting with an inhale, count 10, out 9, in 8, out 7. Continue with this kind of counting, counting backward, following the breath. Or just count without focusing on the breath.

Restless mind? Try counting backward.

Slowly and steadily, count down our breaths from any number. It could be 10 or 10,000. As we count, breathing in on 10, out on 9, in on 8, out on 7, and so on, remember to be easy on ourselves. There’s no need to get tripped up if we miscount or forget our place — this will probably happen and it’s perfectly normal and okay. Simply go back to the last number we can remember and continue. We’re not striving or straining, we’re staying with the smooth flow of the breath and the counting.

Restless body? Try a body scan.

body scan is a meditation technique where we mentally scan our body from our toes up to our head at a steady, even pace. Kind of like how a copy machine scans a piece of paper. As we scan, we take long, deep breaths and focus on how each part feels.

Start with the toes. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth, and notice if they feel relaxed or tense, comfortable or uncomfortable, energetic or tired. If we sense tension, don’t struggle. Instead, breathe into that part of the body again and notice if anything changes. If it does, great. If it doesn’t, that’s okay. We can move on.

Repeat this practice all the way up the body, going next to the feet, ankles, calves, shins, knees, thighs, and so on — taking about 20-30 seconds to focus on each body part.

Try 10 meditations for better sleep

Looking for more meditations for better sleep? A healthier, happier you is a few breaths away.

The Headspace app offers member courses and single meditations on breathing exercises, including:

  • Breath meditation. Bring a sense of spaciousness into your day with a quick breathing exercise.
  • Deep breathing wind down. A super-simple breathing technique that activates the “rest and digest” part of the nervous system.
  • Breathe with the clouds mindful activity. Use this moment to check in with yourself by taking 5 deep breaths.
  • Feeling overwhelmed meditation. Give yourself a little space when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
  • Switching off wind down. A brief “switching off” visualisation designed to relax the body and mind.
  • Falling back to sleep wind down. Step out of the thinking mind with this exercise designed to lull you into a place of rest, allowing you to drift off back to sleep.
  • Racing mind meditation. A simple meditation created to soothe a racing mind and prepare you for sleep.
  • Pause with 5 calming breaths mindful activity. Notice the sense of calm that arises as you follow the natural rhythm of your body and focus on 5 deep breaths.
  • Mental chatter meditation. Create space for the mind to gently come to rest with this nighttime meditation.
  • Deep breath workout. A restorative class with extra attention on the breath to get you back to a more centered, calm state.

When we practice breathing exercises for better sleep before bed and throughout the day, we give ourselves the best chance to wind down easily at night. Plus, we can feel confident knowing that we have a tool ready to help us fall back asleep the next time thoughts, noises, or bad dreams wake us up.

More resources:

Adapted from an original article posted in Headspace, Breathing exercises for better sleep

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Mindfulness for stress reduction

Mindfulness for Stress Reduction

Jon Kabat-Zinn has defined mindfulness meditation as “the awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally”. By focusing on the breath, the idea is to cultivate attention on the body and mind as it is moment to moment, and so help with pain, both physical and emotional. He believes that meditation is the “radical act of love and sanity.” 

Jon Kabat-Zinn had been meditating since 1965, but had no compunction in playing the Buddhism right down. “I got into this through the Zen door which is a very irreverent approach to Buddhism,” he says. He talks a lot about dharma, the term for the Buddha’s teaching, but he’s not a Buddhist and remarks that to insist mindfulness meditation is Buddhist is like saying gravity is English because it was identified by Sir Isaac Newton.

The UMass Stress Reduction Clinic opened its doors in 1979 and taught people mindfulness for stress reduction when experiencing chronic back pain, victims of industrial accidents, cancer patients and sometimes paraplegics. Stress impacts all of us and especially people who are experiencing pain and various illnesses. Mindfulness for stress reduction can help.

Mindfulness courses ultimately derived from his work are now being rolled out in the UK to school pupils, convicts, civil servants and even politicians. It is prescribed on the NHS in some areas to prevent recurrent depression, with 2,256 people completing eight-week courses last year. The course reduces the likelihood of relapse by almost a third, according to an analysis of nine trials. In the US, the NBA basketball champions, Golden State Warriors, are the latest poster boys for the practice after their coach, Steve Kerr, made mindfulness one of the team’s core values.

“He is Mr Mindfulness in relation to the secular strand,” says Lokadhi Lloyd, a meditation teacher in London who has been on courses led by Kabat-Zinn. “Without him, I don’t think mindfulness would have risen to the prominence it has.”

Supporters such as Willem Kuyken, a professor of clinical psychology at Oxford University, even suggest that Kabat-Zinn’s pioneering work could one day see him mentioned in the same breath as Darwin and Einstein. “What they did for biology and physics, Jon has done for a new frontier: the science of the human mind and heart,” says Kuyken.

Adapted from an interview published in The Guardian, “Master of mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zinn: ‘People are losing their minds. That is what we need to wake up to’ ”

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