5 Ways to Create Erotic Connection

Eroticism is often the fire of new connections, lovers and relationships. Over time erotic connection can fade, so how can we recreate the erotic fire that felt so alive in new connections?

Many of us, when it comes to sensuality tend to do what we think we should do rather than what we’d like to be doing, and this is not just a statement about women. We get stuck in ruts and disconnect from our imaginations. 

We would love to experience new things with our partners but we can be afraid to invite ourselves or them. A minor annoyance or a major impasse can both be catalysts for shutting down sensually. Sometimes we’re “not in the mood;” other times we wonder if we’ve lost what once made us desirable to our partners.

We tend to think of these as sensual issues. Really, it’s an erotic dilemma and a road block to erotic connection. Contrary to what we are taught, eroticism isn’t purely sensual; it is sensuality transformed and socialised by the human imagination. The imagination creates the plot. 

Flirtation, longing, and anticipation all play within our mind’s eye. This is where our erotic faculties live. Eroticism is a time machine. It’s activated by the pains and pleasures of our complicated pasts. It breeds hope and possibilities for the future. It makes us feel utterly present. Eroticism is a creative energy that explores, is adventurous and dares to say yes. 

Engaging in eroticism enables us to maintain a sense of aliveness, vibrancy, and vitality. So how can we invite eroticism back into our lives and our connections? 

1 / Expand your definition of eroticism

The central agent of eroticism is our imaginations. The most overlooked erotic organ is our mind. We can anticipate, dream, and give meaning. Deep eroticism is intimate; deep intimacy is erotic.

2 / Cultivate pleasure for its own sake

Playing it safe gets it done, but if you want a sense of renewal and excitement, step outside of your comfort zone. Creating meaningful connection often requires adjusting the context in which intimacy is taking place. Switch up your routines, the same rituals inevitably lose their impact. Create the right setting, we pay attention to the space, light, and mood. Upkeep of our space ensures we’re ready to play at any time.  

3 / Create meaningful connection through play

Couples who are plagued by sensual boredom would be well to explore the hidden fantasies and desires that turn them on. A great way to do this is to engage in sensual play.

Have a go at making lists of what turns you on. If you had to direct an erotic scene, what would it be like? Be detailed, be specific, every detail matters in the world of pleasure. 

4 / Get away from goals and performance

At this moment, getting it done, being efficient, and our obsession with optimatization creates an anti-erotic culture.  Stop focusing on the physicality of it. Linger. Take your time and savour the experience. Let things unfold and not be so goal oriented. 

5 / Explore your erotic blueprints

Tell me how you were loved; I will tell you how you make love. The psychology of our desires often lies buried in the details of our childhood and in our relationships with our caregivers. It didn’t start when we found our partners. What gives us intense pleasure sometimes comes from very dimly-lit places inside of ourselves, and from experiences that were actually quite painful. Our imagination compensates for what was missing, and for what may be missing now. Sexual fantasies reveal our deepest emotional needs. Provided you are in a healthy enough relationship to go there, explore the roots of your sexuality. Exploring our physical, mental, and emotional depths enables us to deepen our intimacy. 

Creating erotic connection takes creativity, imagination, investment, it is worth it to explore a dynamic and fulfilled sensual life full of joy, wonder and delicious moments.

Adapted from an article by Esther Perel, read the original article here

Image credit, Bea, source